It's Monday?! Already?! Where did my weekend go?! I definitely feel like I did NOT have a weekend! There are so many things that we did NOT do...so we should have had some down time, right?
Let's see...

Friday night, I did NOT attend our school's Spring Bling Fashion Show after a long week of being around these lovely children. Nah. If I had attended, I would NOT have made Russ sit on the very first row all alone so that he could get good pictures. Who would ask that of their hubby? NOT me!

Since we did NOT go to this fashion show, we certainly did NOT see this 1980's comeback modeled by a former student strut down the walkway. Am I old enough to recognize a comeback? Absolutely NOT!

And, of course, I do NOT love these kids to death! I do not constantly hug, tease, and laugh at them. Nope! NOT this teacher.

I did NOT enjoy myself thoroughly! No! I never enjoy coming to watch these kids show off their personalities. And I do NOT enjoy taking their pictures over and over and over again!

My parents did NOT drive four hours just to come watch this fashion show. I do NOT still ask, and sometimes expect, my parents to come watch "my events" just like they did when we were at school. My mom has NEVER told me, "You know I'm there every time you poop!" Nope! Not my family! And, after the show....if they had come, that is....they did NOT drive two hours to Starkville the next morning to load a moving truck only to return that same day to move my sister into her new apartment. My family never runs the road like that!

Seeing as how my parents did NOT drive to Jackson, to Starkville, and back...there really is no need to even consider the idea that they moved Kristin and Lee into their apartment in the POURING RAIN! Nope. There is NOT a dark cloud that covers any member of the Coon family (that would be my mom's side), and Kristin did NOT inherit that cloud gene. They certainly did NOT arrive before the rain to find the security guard, who held the apartment key, gone to the donut shop. Rent-a-cops certainly don't fall into the cliche of eating donuts on the job! And, I did NOT arrive to this chaos and begin singing and dancing in the rain! I care much too much about my hair to do such a thing as that.

After moving into the cute apartment, we did NOT load up complete with our sweaty, rainy, and tired bodies and head to Stix for a wonderful hibachi meal. Lee's dad certainly did NOT suggest that we get there before dinner time because of our "cuteness." We always care about our looks and smells around here!

After hibachi, we did NOT all load up and make stops at two Lowe's before finding the three rugs Kristin liked. At the second stop, Mama and I did NOT stop a guy wearing a Jim Hill t-shirt to tell him that Mama graduated from there. He did NOT inform us that he was the head football coach, and it certainly didn't make Mama's day seeing as how she was once the mascot! Ha! This head football coach would NEVER leave and come back into the building to give Mama a complimentary t-shirt. That's it. It ended there for sure. Because my dear mother would NEVER begin singing the Jim Hill High alma mater for this man leading him to join in. And, of course...I would NEVER ask this perfect stranger to pose for a photo op. I'm always taking pictures sparingly!

During all the chaos and activities of the day, we did NOT all 7 sit in a little apartment and watch as Kristin and Lee put finishing touches around the room. We didn't follow any instructions or each have our own "list" to complete.

And the next afternoon we NEVER think about food. I mean, really. Can't you tell from reading this blog that we do NOT eat out. Ever. So, we did NOT take our sleepy selves down to Cracker Barrel for a delicious breakfast/lunch combo! It was NOT yummy! Not. At. All.

Like I said...I did NOT feel like I had a weekend. It was NOT so busy that my two days off flew by.

Not me!

Not Us Monday

I spent the last few days telling you about all the things we did to get ready for Clancy and Jack's wedding. So, I thought I'd mix things up and tell you all the things we absolutely did NOT do for this wedding!

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In a frenzy preparing for the bridesmaids' brunch, I did NOT instruct Lee to simply dump two gallons of ice cream straight from the carton into the coffee mocha punch! I would never allow two huge chunks of ice cream to plunk down into a mixture of liquid. That would be messy! We then absolutely did NOT have to get my dad to break up the ice cream with a butcher knife. My freezer would never freeze that well, and we are much too sophisticated to do such a thing! This certainly DIDN'T happen!


Russ would NEVER hog crawfish at a rehearsal dinner! He is a very polite man who is always concerned with cleanliness. He absolutely did NOT stand at the crawfish table, where the crawfish was constantly dumped out, for two whole hours devouring more and more crawfish. No way! I just know he would NOT leave me to fend for myself as I found potatoes and corn to eat for supper. NOT Russ!


My uncle and his friend, Little John, did NOT gather, sort, and tie tiny bows on the rice bundles for the wedding! They would never do such a thing during work hours. NOT Uncle Howard! And, if he did do that...which he DIDN'T, he would NEVER say, "I had that tool-ee spread everywhere!" And, if my mom had corrected him...which she never had to do...he would NOT respond with, "Well, that's what the package says! T-U-L-L-E....tool-ee!" Ha! Nah....NOT him!


I absolutely did NOT look like an alien coming in from outer space to take the bride into the dark abyss before the wedding. I'm always very concerned with my looks! And, if I had looked like said alien, I certain would NOT ask the bride to pose with me for a "roller picture." That would just be embarrassing! NOT me!


Speaking of cuteness, I made sure that I was dressed perfectly before taking any pictures. I was the "most sophisticated" for sure! I absolutely always looked just like this...

...NEVER taking a picture from the knees up only to camouflage what was happening below the knee. NOT me! NEVER!


And, while we are talking about things below the knee, my cousin certainly did NOT wear these adorable, custom cowboy boots with her wedding dress! NO! Clancy has and always will be the primmest of the proper! She would NEVER do something so crazy! That's just NOT her at all!


In case you haven't noticed already, I did NOT have the best time ever with Clancy's bridesmaids before pictures! They are boring fuddy duds who never want to do anything fun! We did NOT laugh, make fun of each other, nor make future girls night plans all day. Nope! NOT us! These girls could NEVER have a good time!


Russ was NOT excited about dancing with his wife to our song at the reception. He would have much rather been sitting on his bum watching everyone around him enjoy the dance floor. And, if he were so bored with our dance, he would never make such an excited gesture to my brother, who was holding our camera. NOT my hubby!


Nothing could top what Jack's Granny did NOT do! She and Jack did NOT take over the dance floor hopping and skipping all over the place! Grandmothers are much too fragile to do this! I'm quite sure that Granny would NOT even consider a thing! How do I know this? Well...

I saw her at the crawfish boil. She absolutely was NOT leaning over the crawfish table with everyone else brave enough and hungry enough to shovel these crawfish into their mouths. She is much too proper for that! Nah...Granny would never be seen having that much fun! NOT her!


Russ and I did NOT stalk all the wedding guests working hard to leave no one out! We, especially I, would NEVER be so invasive! In fact, the actual professional photographer did NOT comment to Russ about how I "always found a way to get the picture I wanted!" Surely I'm NOT that obvious! No way! And, I definitely would NOT photograph this family friend and blog reader just to put it on the blog. NOT me!


And, last, everyone knows that I am a wonderful dancer! Kelly especially LOVES to watch me do the body roll. I danced all the way through the "Cha Cha Slide." I cha cha-ed to the left, cha cha-ed to the right, and everything else they asked me to do. And, when the song asked that we "put your hands on your knees, hands on your knees" I promise I did NOT simply squat with my hands on my knees! Like I said, I dance very well. I was NOT scared to complete that whole move. NO way!


Nope! NONE of that happened this weekend! It was all beauty and perfection! Nothing crazy at all!

NOT us!

Now, what did you NOT do?

Not Me! Monday

Last week, I DID NOT go on a mini shopping spree at Ann Taylor LOFT. I most certainly would never need to buy new clothes because I have outgrown all my old ones! No way! I exercise often, eat healthy, and lift weights daily! There is no way I would need new clothes for school! And, if I were shopping, I definitely DID NOT buy new shoes just as the cherry on top! And, I'm certainly NOT obsessed with my new duds! Nope. Not me!

Last Monday I DID NOT travel to "the other school" in Oxford for a week long teaching workshop! I would never be so productive as to spend a week in a stinky, hot, bug infested, male, elevator broken, mold growing up walls in stairs, and shower shoe necessary dorm! Yuck! Absolutely not! If I did decide to go to such a workshop with such poor accommodations, I would without a doubt NEVER take a class titled "Teachers as Actors" and expect to sit quietly in the back row! I definitely know that such a title would require constant ACTING on the part of ALL teachers involved! No way! I would NEVER take such a class with a room full of teachers from around the state! And this so called class DID NOT require me to create a commercial for an upcoming lesson and a 2 minute snippet of a lesson using ACTING SKILLS we had learned - taking on a new character and grabbing the students attention. And, if I did go to a class that required such a thing, my commercial most certainly DID NOT look like this:

I DID NOT go on a major grocery shopping adventure just to sneak a box of Snickers Ice Cream Bars in the buggy. And, my husband and I DID NOT eat the whole box full! No way! Healthy is our middle name! We would never do that! And, if we did do that - which we DIDN'T - I would NEVER go back to Kroger to restock our freezer with another box. Nope! Not me!

Saturday, my dad and I DID NOT sit outside on my back porch for over an hour, while Russ and Lee slept, and Kristin and Mama shopped, watching - no, staring at my new hummingbird feeder to catch a glimpse of any takers. I would never allow my dad to buy us a lovely feeder so that we may steal some of the 50 hummingbirds from my neighbor's three feeders. I would never be that sneaky.

Yesterday, my sweet hubby DID NOT try to cheer me up by taking me shopping! I'm certainly not one of those divas that cheers up at the sight of new merchandise. Absolutely not! And, my favorite purchase is certainly NOT my new Wallflowers from Bath and Body Works - Autumn Apple for the living room and kitchen, and Sweet Pea for the back bedrooms. I'm NOT obsessed with "smell good stuff." Nope! I don't need that stuff to make my perfect home smell good! Not me! And, in return, I DID NOT settle for watching 2 and a half hours of the new Harry Potter movie! We never make trade offs like that. We always simply do these things to make the other happy - not to get the opportunity to get what we want. Ha ha! Not us!

I DID NOT pick up the latest People magazine just because I wanted to see what drama has unfolded with Jon and Kate! I am not that desperate for entertainment that I would read such a story. That's just not me!

And last, I DID NOT pay to simply drive through the parking garage so that I could leave a cute note on Russ's car. I would NEVER spend my hard earned money on such a thing! Not me!

What have you NOT done this week?

Not Me! Monday

Are you feeling guilty for leaving the windows open to catch a breeze when you know the air is on? Feel like a bag lady for wearing the same shirt for days on end? Get tricked by a fake news story and feel foolish? Well don't! Not Me! Monday was born out of Mckmama's desire to admit some of her imperfections and reveal a few moments she'd rather forget. you may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!
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This Fourth of July, I was NOT terribly excited that Russ actually got his first holiday off! And, because of that I DID NOT insist on eating at Cock of the Walk just so we could eat by the water in a poor attempt at emulating my normal Fourth of July festivities in Pickwick. After eating, I DID NOT also insist on finding a fireworks show in town. After we finally found a spot where a crowd had gathered with lawn chairs, blankets, and coolers for fireworks, Russ and I most certainly DID NOT sit around for an hour waiting on fireworks that never happened! Nope! We always have plans made just in the rare chance that Russ would not be working. I would never sit and sit and sit and sit while getting eaten up by bugs just to wait on a fireworks show that was never planned! That is just embarrassing! No way! Not me!

When Russ began his residency on July 1, I DID NOT text my friend just to say that "I do not like this one bit!" because of the late hours and no contact during the day. And on July 3, after Russ's first night of call, I DID NOT text that same friend back just to say that "My husband looks hot walking in with scrubs and a doctor coat on! I think I may like this after all!" I would never be so selfish as to enjoy my husband's stress and sleepless nights just so that I can enjoy the view when he gets home! Not me!

When asking my sweet hubby if he was disappointed in my "wifely ways" of not being the best cook or the biggest fan of deep cleaning, he absolutely DID NOT say that "It doesn't take much to make me happy. So, you are all I need." He would NEVER say such things without thinking about how they would sound! And, of course, I DID NOT raise my eyebrow in just the right time for him to retract the statement and reword it. Surely he is not that scared of the "eyebrow." Nah! That would NEVER happen to this Party of Two!

Last week, I DID NOT meet one of my blogger friends for supper. And if I had met my blogger friend, it definitely is NOT one of Russ's cousins! There is no way that I would wait this long to meet Sarah and her little boy! I'm much more of a social butterfly than that! No. I would have met her sooner for sure. That just could NOT be me!

And while at the doctor's office today, I DID NOT ask the doctor what my eggs were doing. If I had asked that, I definitely DID NOT continue by asking if they were just "hanging out." I would NEVER embarrass my husband in such a doctor's office with my limited medical knowledge and jargon. No way!

I DID NOT go to Walmart today and have a fine time in the school supply section. I would NEVER leave there with over 60 spiral notebooks, 10 boxes of markers, 10 boxes of colored pencils, 10 boxes of crayons, and a personal desk calendar for me. No way! And I certainly DO NOT intend to go back when all the shelves are stocked with 10 cent folders. And I'm sure I will NOT end up coming out of Walmart the second time with even more spiral notebooks and glue and crayons and markers and colored pencils and.... I mean, that is, IF I had done that today! Which I DID NOT!

Oh! And I am NOT about to sit down to watch the SOAP Network's One Tree Hill reruns and eat Pokemon macaroni and cheese for lunch. I am much healthier than that, and I definitely watch more wholesome shows than One Tree Hill. I, without a doubt, DO NOT own all five seasons of OTH, and I'm NOT stalking the website until season 6 comes out on DVD. Negatory! Not me!

What have you NOT done this week?

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

First of all, I want to assure you that I DID NOT post embarrassing video footage of my follies from seven years ago! I would never have such a "brain fart" and allow you to see that! That is just too mortifying!

And Russ DID NOT take this picture of the groom at his bachelor party this weekend while wearing the same tuxedo shirt in a soft powder blue! At least, I'm gonna pretend he didn't!

Russ and I DID NOT try to cure our sweet, precious baby's barking, jumping, begging, scratching at the door, etc. with a remote control shock collar! Could you imagine any parent pushing a button to intentionally shock their child!? I mean, really! Someone should call DHS for that! And, if we did do that - which we didn't - it most certainly does not work like a charm. I'm really NOT wondering if I would lose my job by trying it out of a few of my students. Ha! Seriously, I'm was kidding about that last part!

After three years of living in our home, I DID NOT just now turn our "junk/storage/office room" into another guest bedroom. Why would I do that when we only have another year left? And, I certainly DID NOT find my bedding and pillows at Target, or my nightstand/trunk and lamp at Walmart, and my wall decor at Kirklands. Do you really think I'm that frugal? No way! And, of course, it DOES NOT look fantastic! Before the makeover, you could definitely open the door and walk right in without tripping on boxes, paper, shopping bags, etc. I'm much more organized than to allow a room to be anything less than perfect!

I try to run four days a week. Now, remember these are walk/runs. But, last week I absolutely DID NOT cut my run 2 minutes short, saying to myself, "Well, I'm sure I made up for that walking around my classroom during testing." I would never make excuses like that! And, if I did do that, testing from 9:00 to 12:30 does not make up for 2 minutes of running....right? Hmmmm. Even if that was just for the math test alone!

Last but certainly NOT least...My husband positively DOES NOT graduate from medical school on Friday!!!!! There is absolutely no way that he has already completed four years of medical school and matched in his residency of choice. He definitely does not start his preliminary medicine residency here in July, and he surely does not begin his radiology residency in Memphis next summer! Wow! No way could that happen so soon!

What have you NOT been doing lately?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

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I DID NOT allow my 8, 9, and 10 year old students to show me how to do the "Stanky Leg!" I would never allow children to move in such a way. That is totally inappropriate! And I most certainly wouldn't let them show me the dance as we listened to 99 JAMS. Do you really know any teacher that would allow that behavior in their classroom?!

I DID NOT leave Old Navy, where I discovered my new and much larger pant size, and race to the nearest gym to purchase a membership! There is no way that I would let myself go that much! And it would never be so bad that panic would ensue. Absolutely not!

After finding the gym was closed, I DID NOT drive straight to the grocery store to purchase yet more food. And, while I was NOT at the grocery store, I did not take the advice of a new blog friend, Abby, and purchase these! I don't need to watch my weight! I didn't eat one pack of three cupcakes only to find myself wanting to eat the whole box, either! (Seriously, I didn't eat the whole box...just wanted to!)


I DID NOT lay in bed Saturday until 10:00! I would never sleep that late! Teachers always wake up early - even on the weekends - right? And, I most definitely DID NOT get out of bed only to lay on the couch and watch one of the 3 movies I rented Friday. Me? Lazy? Never!

With only two days until my in-laws visit, I DID NOT spend the beginning of my Spring Break washing and folding two weeks' worth of laundry. I would never let dirty clothes pile up so! Besides, I NEVER freak out and go on a cleaning spree, becoming impossible to live with, when we have house guests! I am not that "anal."

I AM NOT worried about taking Farley to the groomer's this morning because his parents have failed to brush him since his last bath - whenever that was! I am NOT hoping that they have mercy on us and don't call the Humane Society! I would never neglect my baby in that way!


I DID NOT spend Sunday afternoon with my eyes glued to the television when the Dawgs beat Tennessee during the SEC championship, securing a spot in the NCAA tournament. And, during the last 20 minutes of the game, it was NOT so exciting that I gradually moved closer and closer to the television so that I could make sure not to miss a single play. And for pete's sake, my dad and I would NEVER text back and forth during such a game. He did not text "Dang right!" and "Shoot!" My mom would never take the effort to figure out how to text on her new blackberry to text "Whooooooo whooooooo!!!!!!" My parents are too old to text! That would never happen!

And, finally, it is absolutely, positively NOT Match Day on Thursday! I am certainly NOT a nervous wreck as I wait to see where Russ and I will spend the next five years of our lives during his residency! I am NOT the kind of person that needs a plan for my future. I've never been that way! Not me!

What have you NOT done this week?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

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I DID NOT wake up this morning only to find out that it was 8:00, when my students enter the classroom at 7:30!!! I would never do something so irresponsible as to forget to set my alarm. And, I certainly WAS NOT on the interstate by 8:15 and at school by 8:30! It would be insane to move that fast! If that did happen, which it DID NOT, I would have at least taken a shower! I would never start my week off so terribly stinky! Nope! Not me!

Russ and I DID NOT eat out every single night last week and this weekend because of a lack of groceries! I am a much better wife than that! I would never procrastinate on such a trip!

Kelly and I DID NOT sleep on a mattress on the floor this weekend. My roommate DID NOT pack up her entire house only to find out the day before she moved that the sale fell through, causing her two roomies to sleep on the floor. That would never happen!

I DID NOT upload Spice Girls onto my iPod, along with "Mmmm Bop" and "No Diggety." I would never listen to those songs and actually enjoy them - singing and dancing to every word! Not me!

MSU DID NOT beat Ole Miss 82-80 Saturday. And, I'm certainly not rubbing it in to any Ole Miss fans. I would never do that!

I DID NOT put all six of Farley's toys away only to walk back into the living room seconds later to find ALL six toys back out. He didn't carry his dog bed in there just to top it off! He would never do such a thing!

And, I most certainly DID NOT vote for four of my favorite dancers on Dancing With the Stars! I would never waste precious text messages on something like that! No way! Not me!

What have you NOT done this week?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

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I DID NOT let my husband fix my lunch complete with a sandwich, chips, and dessert for the last two weeks. I would never do that! I'm a much better wife than to let him fix my lunch for school!

I DID NOT freak out when I saw a possum on top of our fence and Farley barking ferociously at it. I would never be scared for my dog's life because of a possum. I most certainly wasn't screaming FROM THE DOOR and sweating profusely when Russ came in the front door from studying. I would never overreact like that! And, if my dog was in danger, I would never just stand at the door to take care of it because I, too, was scared of the possum. Not me!!

I DID NOT cause my entire house of guests to jump from their seats because, "OMG! There's a black dog in the back yard!" I would never forget that our very own dog is black, and he was outside playing! No way! I would never be that ditsy!

It DID NOT come a blizzard Saturday night. It would never fall below 70 degrees in February in south Mississippi! And I did not scream to my husband, "Look, look, look! It's a blizzard!" in front of everyone at Julep Saturday night. I never embarrass my husband or demand his immediate attention. Not me!

I DID NOT tell my students after WAY too many, "Mrs. Johnson!" calls, that Mrs. Johnson wasn't there today. Her twin sister was there instead. I would never tell such a story!

I DID NOT become victim to an angry parent this week complete with a mom's screaming and my tears. I would never let someone treat me like that!

I DID NOT sit and watch my husband and twenty-year old brother slide around on my new wood floors in their socks Sunday afternoon! I would never allow them to be so childish! They most certainly didn't try to moonwalk and race/slide down the hallway. And, I definitely did not see my husband try to get a running start only to slip on his first step and almost bust his face! We would never have things like that going on in our house!

When we went home last weekend, my mom DID NOT hand Russ a pair of his boxers she had washed. And she most certainly DID NOT say, "I'm not even going to tell you where I found these!" My mom would never embarrass us like that! My dad definitely didn't respond by saying, "Where were they?! On the ceiling fan?" My parents are much to conservative to think up those questions! Not my parents!

I DID NOT start back at Palm Beach Tan Sunday because of my transparent ghostly whiteness. I would never subject myself to those UV rays. My husband is going to school to be a doctor! Do you really think I would put myself at risk like that?! No way!

I DID NOT take a mental health day to avoid taking a personal day. I would never consider myself mentally unstable. Not me!!

And, I am positively NOT counting down the days until Spring Break! No sir! Not me! I DO NOT know that there are only 12 days - 10 school days left!

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What have you not done this week?

Not Me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

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I DID NOT put gorilla tape on my nice black dress pants to hold up the unravelled hem a few weeks a go! I most certainly did not! I would never use gorilla tape for weeks, washing and drying it after each wash. Surely gorilla tape isn't strong enough for that! I do not STILL have gorilla tape on my pants either! Not me!

I DID NOT watch Grey's Anatomy last week and ask my friend, after Callie said she was lonely and celebate, "How long has she known that?" This question most certainly did not send my friend into an uproar of laughter causing her to run into the other room to tell our husbands what I had just asked. I did not follow up by asking, "Oh...what is celebate?" I'm much to cool to ask such questions!

I DID NOT make my husband stop all operations of helping to cook breakfast for dinner when my phone rang only because I thought Felicia may have fixed chicken spaghetti. I would never throw away a perfectly good meal for a better offer! Not me!

I DID NOT tell my students, after our vocabulary lesson including the word stumble, that grown-ups do this late at night sometimes. I would never to such a thing! (Note: My students weren't even listening when I did not say this!)

I DID NOT ask my husband to scrub the bathrooms in exchange for me paying for dinner and a movie on Valentine's Day. I am most certainly not that old and married!

I DID NOT allow my husband to buy me an Easter dress from Anthropologie while we waited two hours to be seated at PF Chang's. I would never wait that long! And I would never buy something that nice!

I DID NOT throw toys down our long, new wood hallway just to watch my dog slide into the door multiple times. Not me!

I DID NOT text Roan last night to tell her that I emailed her. And she surely did not text me back to say that she emailed me back.

I DID NOT buy a paper shredder to shred all sensitive material. I did not do this because I did not have someone order checks in my name and write $450 worth of checks and $300 in online charges. I am not paranoid by any means! Not me!

I DID NOT become friends with Ridgeland police, Jackson Police, and two detectives over the last two weeks. I do not have any reason to talk to them!

I DID NOT wear striped socks to school today simply because my black socks weren't clean. I would never do something so crazy and "uncool!"

I AM NOT typing this during my break at school! Not me!

And, finally, today is absolutely, positively, definately NOT my husband's 27th birthday! NO WAY!

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What have you NOT done this week?