I have SOOOO much to catch you all up on.  I cannot even explain to you in one short blog post how busy our little family has been this spring going into summer.  And now we are preparing for our big move next week...and we are more excited than you know!  Our hearts are full and burdened for many reasons right now and we appreciate your prayers in the days and weeks to come.

June 8, 2015 - that is the day we stood before the judge in Jackson, MS with our family and officially and legally finalized Smith's adoption.  And the judge called him by name.  Smith Russell Johnson.  Our son.  Of course he was our son from the day we learned of him...although he wasn't placed in our arms until after his birth.  But now we have completed the process full of paperwork and planning and home visits...and we are legally and officially a family of four.

We had a different judge this time around, and she was wonderful.  She introduced herself and wanted to know the name of everyone in our group.  She compared Smith and Millie Janalee to Prince William and Kate's children.  Ummm....yes please!  I'll take that compliment in the most humble manner of course.  Judge Wise then went over the legal paperwork with our attorney while our family stood behind us.  Russ and I raised our right hands and confirmed our desire to care for Smith under oath.  The papers were signed and we were legal!

Judge Wise was kind enough to offer a photo opportunity in the courtroom.  She heard our case in her chambers, so we went out to the full courtroom and posed our crazy crew behind the bench.  The judge put on her robe and even gave the kids the gavel for pictures.  Millie Janalee was just a little too "gavel happy" right next to Smith.  Ha!  I can't go on without mentioning that it was at this time Russ and I realized our camera DID NOT WORK!  Y'all.  Surely you know how devastating that was to us...and how much sweat began to form as we frantically tried to figure out how to fix it.  Thankfully, I remembered that I had my little point and shoot camera in my diaper bag from our beach trip.  Yay!  So we did document the occasion...and with a little editing...they look okay.  Not that I'm picky about pictures or anything.

It was also an exciting time because our social worker, Karen, was able to meet Smith for the first time!  Since he was born in North Mississippi, Karen wasn't able to be there at birth.  It's always fun for her to see how much Millie Janalee's personality has blossomed as well.  Karen has been there with us from the very first question I ever had about Bethany.  I am honored to call her my friend.

Clancy was so thoughtful to invite us all over to her house for cake and punch to celebrate Smith's big day.  We had all just come in from a week long beach vacation, so this gesture was no small task!  I am so grateful and undeserving of my "drop whatever you are doing and be there" family.

Russ and I were happy to share this day with our sister-in-law and her five children also.  They drove in from Tupelo that morning and made it JUST IN TIME for our hearing.  We are so glad they were able to share this special day with us!

Julie and Smith

Julie, Leah, Millie Janalee, Olivia, Smith, Clay, Roan, and Sam

Our camera started working on the way home from the courthouse, so we did some family pictures once we got to Clancy's house. It all worked out!  Of course, my parents don't miss a thing.  They learned this from their parents - my grandparents.  They never missed thing we did if they could help it.  Even living four hours away.  They made it happen!

Susu, Smith, and Pawpaw

Uncle Howard, Selah Grace, Smith, and Clancy

Russ and I continue to be blessed more than we could have ever imagined through our adoption journeys.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have planned this perfectly planned life.  It overwhelms me to consider the many blessings He has given us.  Immeasurably more!

Our forever family...built exactly the way God planned to build it.  He never gave up on us even though we were ready to give up at times.  He held our hands and drug us through the ashes.  Because He knew how to create beauty from ashes.  Beauty far more beautiful than I could ask.

Happy Finalization Day, Smith!  To God be the glory FOREVER!

Final Post Adoption Visit

In March, we had Smith's final post adoption home visit.  After Smith was placed in our arms, Bethany's policy is to schedule three post adoption visits in our home to be sure he is growing healthy and we are taking good care of him.  It is just policy with our particular agency before finalizing adoption.  Of course, Smith is our son.  But until the adoption is finalized 6 months later, our names are not listed on his birth certificate and the agency is legally his guardian.  I may not have used all the right words, but that's the gist.  It is just a legality, but a big deal for us when our babies' adoptions are finalized.  Our family day!

Our sweet Missouri social worker came by for her last visit to ask some standard questions about routine, health, dispositions, and more.  We visited for a little while before she was on her way for the last time.  Smith was fussy during the entire visit.  We would find out later - at about 4 am - that he was getting a virus with a high fever.  Bless his bones!

Words fail me when I consider the good things the Lord has done for us.  We are certainly filled with JOY!  Our home is happy and joyful and loud and stressful and messy and BLESSED!  Everything we prayed for years and years before our hearts even turned to adoption.  I saw a quote the other day that said, "Sometimes God doesn't change your situation because he is trying to change your heart."  Thank goodness for that!

My heart is forever different.  And better.  And fuller.  And more than I could have ever imagined!

Tis SO SWEET to trust in Him!

Dear Birthmother

Written September 30, 2014

Dear Birthmother,

I got word today that you were struggling.  Struggling with your emotions.  My mind immediately went to fear that you had changed your mind.  Then I was told it wasn't that.  I got word that you were struggling as you neared your due date.  The reality of what's ahead and actually saying "goodbye" was hitting you hard.

My heart broke for you.

As much as I long for and love the child you are carrying, I also mourn for your loss.  I can't possibly understand what you are feeling.  I mean, I've never even carried a child in my belly.  I have no idea what it is like to feel those hiccups and kicks and movements each day.  I have no idea what it's like to watch my belly grow knowing there is a human being inside.  I have no idea what it's like to lie awake at night with my hands on my growing belly uncomfortable and scared.  I have no idea.  But I do know loss.  And I understand the love of a mother.  I, like you, am a mother.  I became a mother differently, but I love her the same.

And I mourn for you.  For the sweet moments you will miss.  The late night feedings you won't experience with him.  The joys of witnessing his first smile, giggle, or word.  I mourn for you as his big days pass without your being there.  Please know that you will not mourn alone.  I will be mourning for you too.

I also admire you.  I admire the strength you have to choose this plan for your child.  I admire the determination you have shown as you cared for him while you could.  The careful choosing of the perfect family for him.  I admire your decision to give life...because of a love you have for him.  And because of a strong conviction you have that every life is created for His purpose.  God knew his story before he was conceived.  He was not caught by surprise.  Unlike the two of us!

I am thankful for you.  I am thankful for the love story you are giving us to share with him.  A story full of unconditional love that does not end after birth.  I am thankful that you want to stay in his life and watch him grow.  I am thankful that when he has questions, I will have answers.  And if I don't have the answers, I know I can ask you.  I am thankful for your faith.  Knowing that we share our faith gives me such peace and comfort.  I know you will be okay.  Because He will care for you.  And I will pray for you.

Birthmother, as you probably lie awake tonight with thoughts and fears racing through your head...I want you to know that I am awake on the couch doing the same thing.  Thoughts of you and this precious life on my mind and heart.  Fears creeping in my mind as you struggle through your decision.  I am awake with you.  You are not alone.  The same God that I am praying to tonight is the same God you are praying to tonight.  We are sisters loving the same baby boy.  And that alone is an amazing gift we are giving our son.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you.  I have only met you once, but I love you.  I love your heart.  I love your spirit.  And I love the life growing inside you.  May God wrap you in His arms tonight and every night as the days of delivery approach.

With love,
Megan

I Love to Tell the Story

"I love to tell the story of unseen things above,

of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story, because I know 'tis true;

it satisfies my longings as nothing else can do."

God began writing His story for us long before we were born.  He's been writing your story too.  As Russ and I embarked on the most difficult part of our story thus far, nothing has satisfied me more than telling God's story.  The story of His love giving Him the glory!

"I love to tell the story;

'Tis pleasant to repeat

What seems each time I tell it,

More wonderfully sweet."

It is with complete gratitude and shock that I share the story of His love once again.  Russ, Millie Janalee, and I welcomed Smith Russell Johnson into our family on October 13 at 8:36 pm.  A beautiful 6 pound 12 ounce baby boy measuring 19 inches long.  He was greeted by the love of a precious young woman and a gentle young man who hold onto a part of our hearts just as the couple who went before them did in July of 2012.  Two precious souls who are a part of our life forever - because we share a love for this sweet boy- our son - Smith.

"From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."  John 1:16

Giving thanks to God for this life and the privilege of telling His story..."more wonderfully sweet" each time I tell it. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

"I love to tell the story,

'Twill be my theme in glory

To tell the old, old story

of Jesus and His love"

Before You Were Born

Before she was born, we prayed.  Before she was born, we cried.  Before she was born, we longed to know what it felt like to be called "Mama" and "Daddy."  Before she was born, we dreamed.  Before she was born, hundreds (maybe even thousands) joined us in fervent prayer as we embarked on our journey to parenthood.  Before she was born, we lost sleep.  Before she was born, we instantly loved a couple we had never met.

Before she was born, we loved her.

Before we knew her...we loved her.

Before she was born, God did an extreme work on our hearts.  He listened to our prayers as we asked begged for Him to make his desires our desires.  He heard my cry when I asked Him to change my heart to match His.

God showed us the desire of our hearts and the miracle we never would have known had we not learned to trust Him.  He knew who our hearts were longing for, and He showed us immeasurably more than we could have ever imagined or dreamed.

God entrusted us with the precious life of Miss Millie Janalee.  Our "Baby J".

It is hard to begin to fathom how our hearts would have room to love even more.  But we know love multiplies!  We pray for God to guide us as parents.  To prepare our hearts.  And hers.  Prepare our hearts for big changes in our futures.  When?  We aren't quite sure.  But we know His timing and His plans are perfect.  We know from experience.  Because He got us through life before she was born.

And we have faith that He will do it again...

Over the course of these last couple months, we began working with our adoption agency to adopt again.  We have completed all the paperwork, we had our interviews, our profile books are in, and I took these pictures the day of our home visit.  We are waiting on the official approval, but it should be here next week if all goes as planned.

This adoption will be a bit different.  Since we are moving to Missouri in a couple weeks, we had to rush our process so that our profile can remain active in Mississippi while we are gone.  When we get to Missouri, we will contact Bethany Christian Services in St. Louis to make the appropriate updates...which will include another home visit and paperwork.  In the case of a placement while we are living in Missouri, we need to be covered in both states.  All states have their own laws and regulations.  We will also discuss the possibility of having our profiles shown in Missouri while we are there.  I mean, why not?

This being our second adoption, we will also prepare to wait longer.  Birthmothers typically lean toward choosing "childless couples."  Families with children tend to wait longer.  However, we all know that God has His own plan for all these families...including ours.  So anything can happen!

We are excited and anxious and at complete peace about our future.  We have already begun praying for our Baby J².  We are praying for his or her birthmother.  Praying that God will prepare her heart for us and our hearts for her.

And we ask, once again, if you will join us.  More than all the gracious monetary support we received during Millie Janalee's adoption...your prayers were most cherished.  You were our prayer warriors, and I know many of you still continue to pray for us as we parent Millie Janalee and for her birthparents as they move forward in their lives.

Will you join us again?

We love you, Baby J².  Even before you were born, we loved you!

We are stepping away from the shore again with a tiny seed of faith...knowing He will meet us there.

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!  

How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!

From God's Arms to Her Arms to Mine

The Saturday before Mother's Day is recognized as Birthmother's Day.  It's not a day of celebration.  Birthmother's Day was created in 1990 as a day to honor and remember those women who mourn a great loss.  You can read what I had to say about this day last year here.  

"May Birth Mother's Day bring acknowledgement and recognition to every birth mother who ever loved a child lost to adoption.  May it honor and celebrate every mother who became childless after birthing a child, and was forgotten on Mother's Day."  -Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh

As I remember Millie Janalee's birthmother and pray for her today and everyday, I have a song in my heart.  I found this song while researching for a project I'm helping our adoption agency with.  I'm embedding the video of the song at the end of this post, and I urge you to listen to the words.  It will touch your heart I'm sure.  The song is sung from a birthmother's perspective, and the gist of it is in the chorus:

"And maybe you can tell your baby,

When you love him so that he's been loved before.

By someone, who delivered your son, from God's arms,

To my arms, to yours."

How perfect.  How true.  

This baby.  This girl.  MY GIRL.  She was loved.  Way before I knew her...even before I knew about her, I loved her.  But I wasn't alone.  

God knew.  He knew before she was conceived, and he loved her then more than we could ever comprehend.  He knew her beginning and he knows her end.  He created her for a purpose and has her life perfectly planned.

There was a woman who saw her worthy.  Worthy of a chance at life.  There was a woman who loved this unborn child enough to give her life...and even make a plan for her life bigger than what she was able to give.  The woman probably endured many sleepless nights with her hands on her growing belly.  She talked to her unborn daughter and called her by name.  This woman carefully looked through profile book after profile book for the perfect family to care for her precious treasure.  And when the labor pains came and first cry filled the air, I'm sure there were smiles and tears.  I'm sure there was joy and heavy hearts.  Because this woman knew she would soon place this 6 pound 13 ounce babe into another mother's arms.  My arms.

I'm sure she held her baby girl close and studied every feature.  I know she begged her baby to open her eyes so that she could memorize her look.  This woman shared her newborn daughter with family and friends as they all knew the coming days held heartache.  It must've been beyond anything I could comprehend.  Saying goodbye to this beautiful gift from God, and leaving the hospital empty handed.

Fast forward to nearly two years later.  My home is filled with singing, giggling, squeals, constant jabbering, and JOY!  My heart is so full it overflows daily.  God heard my cry.  He heard the cry of Millie Janalee's birthmother.  And he is faithful to complete this good work.

God placed this child into the arms of another mother.  A mother who walked a terrifying, difficult journey.  A mother who loved this child with all her heart.  And who chose the most loving, selfless plan...placing her into the arms of a woman she barely knew who was longing to share her love with a child forever.

So we will not be celebrating Birthmother's Day today.  I will pray for Millie Janalee's birthmother as I have since the day we decided to adopt...before Millie Janalee was even conceived.  We will not celebrate Birthmother's Day, because Millie Janalee's birthmother deserves more.  She was and will always be Millie Janalee's first mother.  Before there was me...she was there.

Mother's Day belongs to us both.

And dear birthmother, I give my word that I will tell my baby that she's been loved before.  Loved by you - the one who delivered her from God's arms to your arms to mine.

Happy Mother's Day to you, birthmother!  I thank my God every time I remember you.

Our Bethany Family Picnic

Wow!  Do I have some catching up to do!  Millie Janalee and I have been super busy for the past few weeks, and Russ has been working so hard to support our little family and prepare for the changes ahead.  In addition, we have had some extra excitement over the past week as my nephew made his grand debut!  More on that later as I gather the pictures from various cameras (because you KNOW there was more than one! Ha!)

As the Von Trapp children sing during The Sound of Music in Do-Re-Mi, "I'll start from the very beginning…a very good place to start."

Karen (the Bethany director) with Susu and Millie Janalee

Each year, the Bethany office in Jackson, MS holds a picnic for all the adoptive families who have gone through their ministry.  Last year was our first year, and it was a wonderful time to gather as adoptive parents and let our children get to know each other and build relationships around this commonality.  It is always good for children who were adopted to form relationships with other children who have been adopted - showing them that they aren't so different after all. As they grow older, I hope they begin to appreciate more and more having friends who "get it."  It is also beneficial for us, as adoptive parents, to learn from, communicate with, and help others who have or are going through the same journeys.

Since Easter was later than usual, the Bethany picnic included a fun Easter egg hunt for all the children…that are fondly named "Bethany babies" by the Bethany staff.  I can only imagine the joy of these social workers and others associated with our adoption journeys as they see how our miracle babies have grown and developed and are truly happy and healthy.  What a ministry with never-ending rewards!

The first hour was spent playing and riding the horses.  Yes, there were horses and Millie Janalee had NO FEAR!  Her mama, on the other hand, isn't quite as brave around these big guys.  Thankfully, Susu joined us and volunteered to ride with Millie Janalee.  Russ had to work sadly, so I'm so glad Susu was able to step in with a second set of hands.

The first thing Millie Janalee spotted was Mrs. Alison's cracker stash!  The girl (and Eaven too probably) would've stood there eating until the roll was gone if we let her.

Susu and Millie Janalee riding the horse

Our special friend, Clark, and his daddy taking a ride.

Once everyone had time to register, purchase a super cute t-shirt (that my sister designed actually), and visit, it was time for the Easter egg hunt.  This is where Millie Janalee's meltdown moments began.  Bless her.  We decided after it was all said and done that she had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.  It was the first time I'd ever seen her so completely out of sorts.  She hated to leave the horses, but once she got to the egg hunt location, she seemed to be distracted enough to enjoy herself again.  Ha!  I was in charge of taking pictures for the Bethany office for an event in the fall, so Susu took over the egg hunt helper duty.  As you can see, Millie Janalee's was a little too big for her to carry around herself.  Ha!

We hunted in the 0-2 year old area.  All the kids were playing and finished with the egg hunt within minutes.  When I looked around, there were eggs everywhere!  Ha!  I'm assuming they all did like Millie Janalee.  She found about four eggs before she started taking them out of her basket and throwing them around like balls.  Ha!  Either way, it was a fun first Easter egg hunt!

We spent the rest of our time before lunch playing on the playground.  Millie Janalee loved sliding down the slide.  We did some playground etiquette lessons here.  Those are always hard lessons to learn in public.  Maybe harder for me than anyone.  Ha!

Mrs. Alison, Eaven, and Millie Janalee playing on the slide

When our playground training became too much for my Little Miss, we decided it was time to swing.  Swinging ranks high among Millie Janalee's favorite things in the whole world.  She could swing and swing and swing all day.

Just a-swinging with Mama

Just chillin'

I enjoyed getting to know some of the other parents and reuniting with several couples who began their journeys with us.  I was also pleasantly surprised to find one of my Chi O sisters who adopted their little boy several months ago through Bethany.  I don't know how we had missed each other up to this point, but I was so happy to see Rachel again and meet her sweet family.

Visiting with Rachel and her family

Me, Millie Janalee, Angie, and Grady (we began our adoption process at the same time)

We all enjoyed a yummy BBQ lunch as one big Bethany family.  What a privilege to be a part of something so wonderful.  Bethany's theme verse for this year is Hebrews 12:2 - "fixing our eyes on Him".  I am honored to work with and be a part of this ministry.  I am thankful for them every day as I look into those precious blue eyes.  Blue eyes that I would never have seen if it weren't for this organization and their love for her and her birthparents and for us.

I am thankful for those who donate and help Bethany in their work.  Bethany is a part of so much more than just domestic infant adoptions.  They work with international adoptions, fostering, minister to birthmothers, minister to adoptive families, and do work in so many other outlets.  Contact your closest Bethany office to see how you can be a part of their ministry.

Thankful for a fun day with the Bethany staff, volunteers, and other adoptive families.  And our day would not be complete without a final ride on one of the horses and the "choo choo."

In case the events of the day weren't enough to fill us with gratitude and happiness, we added a little more to our agenda.  We spent the later part of the afternoon at a local park visiting with Millie Janalee's birthparents.

I'm full of gratitude for this day and everything it stands for.  LOVE makes a family.  And we have love overflowing among our Bethany family.

Ginger's Story {God Gave Us Love}

I would like to introduce myself to you. My name is Ginger and I am married to the most kind and compassionate man named Michael. We have been waiting to grow our family for almost 7 years. We were led to adoption through infertility struggles, but God is the one who placed the desire in our hearts to adopt. Michael and I did not want to adopt when we first started our road of infertility. {Gasp} I know! (we were trying to plan out our life) We wanted biological children. What we didn’t know was God had another plan in mind.

The start of 2012 we begin to pray for God’s will for our life. I had exhausted all measures and was extremely tired of trying to force my plans to line up with God’s. I noticed as I prayed for His will my heart’s desire started to change. It was not instant, but over time the desire to become pregnant was no longer as important as it once was. He was changing our hearts to fit His perfect plan.

Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Psalms 37:4

We did not feel the call to adopt at the same time or the same way, but God led us to adoption together in His time. We are adopting because God called us to show the love of Christ. Through Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection, we have been adopted into the family of God. We believe through adoption, not only can we share the love of Christ with a beautiful child, but others will be able to see a picture of that love through our story.

Michael and I are still in the waiting process of our domestic adoption with Bethany Christian Services. We were approved on April 9, 2013, which means we have been waiting for “the call” almost 11 months.

God calls us all to “wait” for different things but the 2 main reasons for the wait is the same no matter what we are waiting for… 1. For our Good! 2. For His Glory! Think about Abraham and Hannah in the bible… Abraham waited for the fulfillment of the promise of a son. And Hannah waited for a son and then gave him back to the Lord. They were called to a season of waiting. And they were witnesses and beneficiaries of the grace and glory of God. The waiting season in your life has a purpose. Just like the waiting season in my life has a purpose. I am learning to embrace our wait with grace. Are you?

During my season of waiting I have been learning to gracefully wait and fully trust God. Waiting does not come naturally to me. I want to “do” instead of “wait.” To be completely honest, the wait drives me crazy most days. Sometimes I am almost sure God says, “My child, I need you to relax and know that I am not going to harm you. I just want you to love the Giver more than the gift. I want you to grow as close to me as possible because I am only preparing you for BIG things. I just need you to wait.” Then I take a breath, slow my thoughts down, and know that my wait is in His hands. He is the one who made the blind to see, the lame to walk, and raised the dead to life. He has got this. I just have to wait, trust and continue to grow in Him.

I know God is teaching me how to fully trust in Him. He is allowing me to grow closer to Him. I just have to be patient and learn to gracefully wait on His perfect timing. God knows my heart, my desires, and my longing. He also longs for me to experience His best for my life. And just knowing that helps me welcome my season of waiting.

I am not going to tell you that it is easy to wait. Because it is NOT!! It has been one of the hardest things I have had to do. I can only hope and dream and pray for my day to get to experience being a mother. I know that I will cherish the gift of being a mother and I will cherish that sweet little baby. But most of all I will always love and adore the Giver! I will never forget our season of waiting because that my friend is when He drew me closer to His side.

We don’t know how long this season will last or what the exact final outcome will be. But, we are learning to gracefully wait on His timing. God is faithful in His plans to provide a future and a hope. Please continue to pray with us through our journey and this season of waiting.

Praying for Our Happily Ever After…

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights… James 1:17