The Saturday before Mother's Day is recognized as Birthmother's Day. It's not a day of celebration. Birthmother's Day was created in 1990 as a day to honor and remember those women who mourn a great loss. You can read what I had to say about this day last year here.
"May Birth Mother's Day bring acknowledgement and recognition to every birth mother who ever loved a child lost to adoption. May it honor and celebrate every mother who became childless after birthing a child, and was forgotten on Mother's Day." -Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh
As I remember Millie Janalee's birthmother and pray for her today and everyday, I have a song in my heart. I found this song while researching for a project I'm helping our adoption agency with. I'm embedding the video of the song at the end of this post, and I urge you to listen to the words. It will touch your heart I'm sure. The song is sung from a birthmother's perspective, and the gist of it is in the chorus:
"And maybe you can tell your baby,
When you love him so that he's been loved before.
By someone, who delivered your son, from God's arms,
To my arms, to yours."
How perfect. How true.
This baby. This girl. MY GIRL. She was loved. Way before I knew her...even before I knew about her, I loved her. But I wasn't alone.
God knew. He knew before she was conceived, and he loved her then more than we could ever comprehend. He knew her beginning and he knows her end. He created her for a purpose and has her life perfectly planned.
There was a woman who saw her worthy. Worthy of a chance at life. There was a woman who loved this unborn child enough to give her life...and even make a plan for her life bigger than what she was able to give. The woman probably endured many sleepless nights with her hands on her growing belly. She talked to her unborn daughter and called her by name. This woman carefully looked through profile book after profile book for the perfect family to care for her precious treasure. And when the labor pains came and first cry filled the air, I'm sure there were smiles and tears. I'm sure there was joy and heavy hearts. Because this woman knew she would soon place this 6 pound 13 ounce babe into another mother's arms. My arms.
I'm sure she held her baby girl close and studied every feature. I know she begged her baby to open her eyes so that she could memorize her look. This woman shared her newborn daughter with family and friends as they all knew the coming days held heartache. It must've been beyond anything I could comprehend. Saying goodbye to this beautiful gift from God, and leaving the hospital empty handed.
God placed this child into the arms of another mother. A mother who walked a terrifying, difficult journey. A mother who loved this child with all her heart. And who chose the most loving, selfless plan...placing her into the arms of a woman she barely knew who was longing to share her love with a child forever.
So we will not be celebrating Birthmother's Day today. I will pray for Millie Janalee's birthmother as I have since the day we decided to adopt...before Millie Janalee was even conceived. We will not celebrate Birthmother's Day, because Millie Janalee's birthmother deserves more. She was and will always be Millie Janalee's first mother. Before there was me...she was there.
Mother's Day belongs to us both.
And dear birthmother, I give my word that I will tell my baby that she's been loved before. Loved by you - the one who delivered her from God's arms to your arms to mine.
Happy Mother's Day to you, birthmother! I thank my God every time I remember you.
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