Praying for More...

"There is no way to learn of faith except through trials. They are God's school of faith, and it is much better for us to learn to trust Him than to live a life of enjoyment. And once the lesson of faith has been learned, it is an everlasting possession and an eternal fortune gained. Yet without trust in God, even great riches will leave us in poverty."

Faith. That is what I'm learning. God has worked in my life so much this last year. This is going to be a very personal post, but one that I feel God wants me to share. Russ and I began trying for a baby in May of 2006. We did not share our decision with anyone. Still, almost three years later, only a handful of people know. In the last year and a half I have had surgery, began seeing an infertility specialist, taking meds, been tested, poked, and prodded, and been through five aggressive additional treatments. So far, all has been unsuccessful. In February, we were thrilled to see a positive test...only to find out five days later that I had apparently had a "biochemical pregnancy" (something tried to happen, but failed) and an early miscarriage.

During the last year and a half of actually seeing a specialist and getting help from "modern science," I had become extremely discouraged. I went from hope when we first saw Dr. Hines, to disappointment when the meds didn't work, to depression when the next five treatments failed. All of these feelings are universal, I'm sure, for those who have plans for their life that happen to be different from God's. If I were completely honest, I would have to say that for a while I was bitter - almost angry - with God. I just didn't understand why He would not grant me the one thing I've wanted all my life! What had I done to make God want to punish me so? Being the stubborn person that I am, it took a year and a half of these feelings for me to FINALLY come back to the only One who can give me hope again. The only One who sacrificed His very own son to cleanse me of my sins. The only One who knows the number of hairs on my head and understands my pain. You may remember my earlier post about Becoming a Woman of Prayer. This was the beginning of me giving it completely over to God. Yes, I'd like to think I had done that before. But, I had not. As I got on my knees for those 28 days of February, I was giving it to Him and praying with persistence for Him to grant me this request.

After this last month, it was almost like God was saying, "You're doing better. But, I want more." Through a new commitment to my quiet time with Him and reading His Word more, I am understanding more and more the importance of faith. I am comforted by His Word, and I am comfortable laying it all at His feet. Don't get me wrong. I'm still completely heartbroken each time I discover that it's "not time yet." But I know in my heart that His plan is perfect and SO much more than I could ever imagine. Faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains.

I gotta have faith!

So, for now....

We are Johnson Party of Two

...praying for more!

Please keep us in your prayers as we continue on this journey God has set before us. Pray that we cling to one another for comfort and enjoy the time we have with just the two of us. Pray for our patience and understanding as the emotions of the journey take over. And, most of all, please pray that we continue to have faith that God hears our prayers, and he will give us what we ask if we pray according to His will.

“And this is the confidence that we have toward Him,

that if we ask anything according to His will He hears us.

And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask,

we know that we have the requests that we have asked of Him.” 1 John 5:14-15

I can't wait to see what God's plan is for our lives!

"God is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine." Eph. 3:20