His Love

"Ask God to make you aware of the constant reminders of His presence in your life so that you can have His assurance no matter your circumstance."

This was the final discussion point of our bible study tonight as we are walking through the story of David. It stood out to me. You know, so often, we pray that God will be with us throughout the day. Or as Ms. Jo said, some pray that the Lord be with their children that day. The truth is...He already is with them. We are always in His presence as believers. But, the important thing is for us to know He's there. Recognize His presence throughout our everyday goings and comings.

I recently finished reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. Pick it up ASAP! Everyone should read it. The message throughout the book is to embrace eucharisteo, a Greek word that encompasses thanksgiving, grace, and joy. Thinking about the gift God has given to all who believe, I am so grateful for His grace. We certainly have done nothing to deserve His love or this gift. A promise of spending eternity with Him if we simply admit we are sinful, believe, and confess our sins. The price for our everyday sins were paid when God sent His only Son to die an excrutiating death on that cross. The ultimate gift! It is by GRACE we have been saved. But, He didn't stop there. He still continues to send "grace gifts" to us. Small things. Think about it. If God created this world and everything in it, then everything is from Him. No matter how small or large. Our part is to recognize His gifts. His grace gifts that point to Him. And for that matter, we know that God is a good God. If He is good, only good things come from Him. And since everything is from God and only good things come from Him, all is good. All is a grace gift. Our job...to recognize these grace gifts. Speak thanks for these gifts. By recognizing these gifts and speaking thanks for them, we can allow ourselves to be filled with His grace. His "favor."

Our sinful nature goes back to Satan's deception of Adam and Eve in the garden. Adam and Eve were, just as we are at times, ungrateful for what God had given to them. They wanted more. Interesting how the fall of man was based around our not being satisfied with God and what He gives. Always wanting more or something different. In the beginning, man had perfect rose-colored sight. Since the deception in the Garden of Eden, because man wanted to see "more," we now see more. There was more to see than His goodness, and now we can see it. The loss, the sadness, the pain. We got what we wanted - more.

While reading, I obviously went back to the point that all is good. Certainly my life, as I'm sure yours too, has not turned out the way I planned or wanted. Yes, I have a wonderful life full of incredible blessings. But, I also thought I'd be a mother...possibly of multiple children by now. Of course His plan is different. But, I wanted more. I fought for more. I pitched fits for more. I cried for more. I pulled away to go my own way for more. I was frantic for more. I felt as if I was losing control! Well, duh! I was. Because I never had control in the first place. I was like a child having a temper tantrum because I couldn't get the strawberry Bubble Yum bubble gum at the grocery store. I was lying in the floor of my life kicking feet and refusing to put it up. I pitched a fit and wrestled with my Father until I finally gave up.

Ever remember doing this as a child? No, I'm sure you didn't. Everyone reading this was probably as well-behaved as I was as a youngster. But, I remember my sister doing it! Ha! Just kidding. Of course! We have all pitched a fit at one point or another! But eventually, when our parents did not give in because they knew their decision was what was best for us, we gave up. We were too exhausted to kick and scream anymore. We just wanted to rest. And how wonderful was that rest? Our rest is in God alone. Beth Moore made a statement that set so well with me...she was talking about that place - with God alone. "It is a painful place to get. But, it is a delightful place to stay!" How true! I look at what I have been through learning to trust in the One who holds my future and always has. I think back to all the pain, tears, tantrums. Man, that was painful! But, when I finally became too exhausted to kick, I came to Him to rest. And it is such a beautiful place to be.

You may have noticed that I rarely talk about our struggle with infertility these days. There is a reason for this. God. He is the only One that could have given me this peace. Allowed rest. After trying to pull me toward what He knew was best, I finally gave up. I was so tired. Just as a baby sometimes cries herself to sleep, we sometimes "cry our hearts to trust." We finally give up and let God take control. Isn't the rest nice?! I feel like a new person after coming to this season. I remember when it happened too. It was the last treatment I ever went through. It went wrong, and no one knew why. We weren't even able to complete the treatment after weeks of daily shots of hormones that were enough to scare even the bravest man out of the house! This was the second treatment of the most extensive we underwent. And, we had already decided we would take a break after this if nothing happened. I remember praying daily. First, I prayed at length each time I had a shot. Needles are among my great fears...FYI. But, most importantly I told God that He would have to take care of this if it failed. There was absolutely no way I would be able to make it on my own. I was emotional, hormonal, and simply just sad. I knew in my gut that this would tear me apart...unless He sent a peace that surpasses all understanding. So, when I got the bad news, I cried of course. But, never even took the doctor's offer to continue "just in case." I just said, "No. That's enough." Not that I was giving up on my dreams of becoming a mother. I was giving up my grip. My attempt at taking control. I was giving up and letting God take over. I told Him that He would have to. I was out. The funny part is that He had control the whole time. And now I let Him take over? Funny how we are. And, I'm sure He smirked with a "bless her heart" look. (And we all know that when someone in the South says that, they really mean..."You stupid idiot.") Ha! So He smirked, I'm sure, and continued with his plan. Just as He had been doing the whole time. And me? I rested. I trusted. After years and months of fits. That's a long tantrum! I was tired. And the peace I had was unbelievable.

In fact, His peace and my willingness to trust Him with this whole situation has led us to neglect treatments for the last year and a half. And I am completely good with that. My heart has been changed. My prayer during this time of simply enjoying life again and not trying to control and plan every part of it was that God's will be done. But, I also asked that He change my heart. I asked Him to change my desires to match His will. I mean it with all my heart. A sweet blogger friend, and real life acquaintance, once told me: "God will give you the desires of your heart. He just may change your desires." And you know what? That sounds pretty darn good. Because I know that His plan is to send His grace gifts to me...to fill us with glory again. (1 Cor. 2:7) His gifts of "favor."

My job is to simply look for them. Which brings me back to the book...

Ann's narrative is so inspiring. It will make you see life in a whole new way. A way of seeing the grace gifts from our God and recognizing them and giving thanks for them. This is the only way for true joy. Enjoy God! Enjoy His gifts! Her story tells of her journey through a dare. A dare to list one thousand gifts. One thousand graces. Over time and through practice and making the choice to look for them, her life was changed forever. She was no longer blind to His goodness. She could see! And she was filled with joy!

So, my dare to me and you is to make our own list. See if you can list one thousand grace gifts from God sent for our enjoyment. Because He loves us. Gifts we don't deserve. After all, He sent the ultimate gift already. But, there is more! Enjoy it!

I woke this morning to grace gifts, and I have changed my view of looking at the happenings throughout my day. I'm on the lookout. Just like Ann Voskamp, "I am a hunter of beauty."

Grace gifts today... tiny floating snowflakes this morning, smiling children trusting me to help them read, a flashback of Centrifuge '97 when I heard the theme song on the radio, a sweet text from a friend who braved the cold just to look up the sentence I wrote at the beginning of this post, a husband who called ahead so that all I had to do was pick up a car with new tires, the smell of a new book, precious waves and calls to "Mrs. Johnson" from students I don't know...

What are your grace gifts today?