Written September 30, 2014

Dear Birthmother,

I got word today that you were struggling.  Struggling with your emotions.  My mind immediately went to fear that you had changed your mind.  Then I was told it wasn't that.  I got word that you were struggling as you neared your due date.  The reality of what's ahead and actually saying "goodbye" was hitting you hard.

My heart broke for you.

As much as I long for and love the child you are carrying, I also mourn for your loss.  I can't possibly understand what you are feeling.  I mean, I've never even carried a child in my belly.  I have no idea what it is like to feel those hiccups and kicks and movements each day.  I have no idea what it's like to watch my belly grow knowing there is a human being inside.  I have no idea what it's like to lie awake at night with my hands on my growing belly uncomfortable and scared.  I have no idea.  But I do know loss.  And I understand the love of a mother.  I, like you, am a mother.  I became a mother differently, but I love her the same.

And I mourn for you.  For the sweet moments you will miss.  The late night feedings you won't experience with him.  The joys of witnessing his first smile, giggle, or word.  I mourn for you as his big days pass without your being there.  Please know that you will not mourn alone.  I will be mourning for you too.

I also admire you.  I admire the strength you have to choose this plan for your child.  I admire the determination you have shown as you cared for him while you could.  The careful choosing of the perfect family for him.  I admire your decision to give life...because of a love you have for him.  And because of a strong conviction you have that every life is created for His purpose.  God knew his story before he was conceived.  He was not caught by surprise.  Unlike the two of us!

I am thankful for you.  I am thankful for the love story you are giving us to share with him.  A story full of unconditional love that does not end after birth.  I am thankful that you want to stay in his life and watch him grow.  I am thankful that when he has questions, I will have answers.  And if I don't have the answers, I know I can ask you.  I am thankful for your faith.  Knowing that we share our faith gives me such peace and comfort.  I know you will be okay.  Because He will care for you.  And I will pray for you.

Birthmother, as you probably lie awake tonight with thoughts and fears racing through your head...I want you to know that I am awake on the couch doing the same thing.  Thoughts of you and this precious life on my mind and heart.  Fears creeping in my mind as you struggle through your decision.  I am awake with you.  You are not alone.  The same God that I am praying to tonight is the same God you are praying to tonight.  We are sisters loving the same baby boy.  And that alone is an amazing gift we are giving our son.

I just wanted to tell you that I love you.  I have only met you once, but I love you.  I love your heart.  I love your spirit.  And I love the life growing inside you.  May God wrap you in His arms tonight and every night as the days of delivery approach.

With love,
Megan

One Week

Believe it or not, this precious boy was ONE WEEK OLD on Monday!  Can you believe it?  I think Russ and I are still getting over the shock of such a blessing...much less realizing he's one week old.  Smith is such a special joy in our home.  Well, not in our home yet.  We are still staying at my parents' house until all the interstate paperwork is completed.  We can't leave the state with him until we get the go-ahead from Bethany.  So we are hunkered down in my hometown soaking in his first little week of life.  Soon we will get to welcome him HOME.  To his bed and his swing and his closet.  We will introduce him to Farley and live our life as a new Party of FOUR!

This first week has been packed full for our little man.  We scheduled newborn pictures one night, met lots and lots of family, met a few friends, took our first trip to the doctor for a checkup.  Thankfully, I did ask our pediatrician friend in town about a two week checkup in case we were still here.  She wanted to see him sooner.  That's when we found out he was a little jaundice.  We have spent the last several days under a bili blanket and getting heel pricks each morning.  His levels have gone down a little each day. We are now off the blanket and no more heel pricks unless we notice more yellowing.  We took our first stroll in the new double stroller...which is like a minivan but not!  LOL.  We spent lots of time snuggling. And a little time figuring out our days and nights.  He's 50/50 on that one, which is pretty good!  We got great sleep last night.  Millie Janalee is adjusting well to her "baby bruvver".  We just keep him strapped in his swing real well so she doesn't try to dump him out.  Ha!  She loves to give him kisses and take peeks at him throughout the day.  I love seeing my babies together.

His weight had gone down to 6 lbs 7 oz at his appointment, although I don't know how.  Smith is a superb eater!  Like, at 7 days old he started taking 4 ounces each bottle and sucked them dry!  He eats every 4 hours.  His face is already filling out and changing daily.  I'm remembering what it feels like to want to bottle up these newborn days.  Be still my heart!

He is absolutely perfect.

I Love to Tell the Story

"I love to tell the story of unseen things above,

of Jesus and His glory, of Jesus and His love.

I love to tell the story, because I know 'tis true;

it satisfies my longings as nothing else can do."

God began writing His story for us long before we were born.  He's been writing your story too.  As Russ and I embarked on the most difficult part of our story thus far, nothing has satisfied me more than telling God's story.  The story of His love giving Him the glory!

"I love to tell the story;

'Tis pleasant to repeat

What seems each time I tell it,

More wonderfully sweet."

It is with complete gratitude and shock that I share the story of His love once again.  Russ, Millie Janalee, and I welcomed Smith Russell Johnson into our family on October 13 at 8:36 pm.  A beautiful 6 pound 12 ounce baby boy measuring 19 inches long.  He was greeted by the love of a precious young woman and a gentle young man who hold onto a part of our hearts just as the couple who went before them did in July of 2012.  Two precious souls who are a part of our life forever - because we share a love for this sweet boy- our son - Smith.

"From His abundance we have all received one gracious blessing after another."  John 1:16

Giving thanks to God for this life and the privilege of telling His story..."more wonderfully sweet" each time I tell it. To God be the glory, great things He has done!

"I love to tell the story,

'Twill be my theme in glory

To tell the old, old story

of Jesus and His love"

MSU vs Texas A&M

Well, this post is a little late considering our latest development.  But I could never skip over the first major win of the season.  More major than LSU in fact.  Things just get better and better from here.  But a couple Saturdays ago, Millie Janalee and I drove south for the big game.  SEC Nation was coming to Starkville, and we just couldn't miss it.

We enjoyed watching the specials all week covering Mississippi State and Starkville.  The anticipation leading up to the game was so fun.  We drove down Friday night and stayed with my brother so we could make an early appearance setting up the tailgate tents before the big crowds took our spot.  7:30 am came early on Saturday when it was time to leave!

I don't always make it over to the Dawg Walk since Millie Janalee has gotten mobile, but my mom and I decided we couldn't miss this one.  We enjoyed watching the team walk in with bodyguards and television cameras in their faces.  The crowd was incredible!  It was fun.  We made our way through the crowds checking out the SEC Nation setup and took a few pictures in front of the SEC backdrop of course.

We hurried back to our tent to pack up for game time.  But we couldn't leave before taking a few shots of the cutest little Mississippi State fans on campus.  If you are a State fan with young children, you need to check out Mississippi State Bully Babies on Facebook for the most adorable children's clothing for gameday!  Millie Janalee and Hughes shopped there for nearly every game.

The family loaded up early for the pre-game show and to just feel the excitement.  It didn't disappoint either.  Believe it or not, Millie Janalee napped until nearly halftime.  She wasn't really able to the rest of the game since I was up on my feet most of the time.  The cowbell calluses are building, and it's the best battle scar one could have!

The game ended with a score of 48 - 31.  We dominated the entire game and it felt good.  Very good.  The crowd went wild...but didn't storm the field.  Ha!  Our family sat in the stadium as it cleared soaking in the experience.  We have cheered for and endured way too many losses to count.  And it was incredible to see it all come back around!  No bandwagon going on here!  Just a Mississippi girl cheering on her lifelong team.  TRUE MAROON!

As soon as we got back to the tent, we couldn't wait to turn on the Alabama and Ole Miss game.  We watched them win, storm the field, and feel the long awaited success just like we did.  Well, some of us saw it...

Sunday morning, we were still glowing in all the glory that is MSU!  Fall in Mississippi is about as happy as I've ever seen it!

Go! State!  GO STATE!!

Apple Pickin'

A couple weeks ago or so, Russ and I took advantage of a beautiful Sunday afternoon and took Millie Janalee to a semi-local apple orchard.  It was actually a little drive over to Illinois.  Eckert's has a few different farms around the area where you can pick your own foods depending on the season.  We visited the one in Belleville, IL.  The weekend we chose to go just happened to also be the first big weekend for apple picking.  So we enjoyed all the fun of Apple Fest!

We were directed to our parking spot in a field, and we walked up to the big display outside the country store.  More on that in a bit.  We walked over to the restaurant to check the wait for lunch.  The hostess suggested we put our name down for a reservation and go pick apples first.  So we did.

We stood in line to catch a big wagon over to the orchard.  Millie Janalee loved riding the "train."  Ha! The weather really could not have been more perfect.  We got a good view of the land as we rode over to apple trees that were ready for picking.  We were limited to certain rows, because the other trees weren't ready with ripe apples just yet.

We picked a row toward the back so we had more open space to play and let Millie Janalee find the apples.  Of course, her favorite apples to run to were the ones already on the ground.  It took some coaching to show her how we could pick the apples off the trees.

Daddy helping her find the perfect apple tree

She loved picking a few apples and putting them in the bag.  Russ and I added a few more, and we have enjoyed eating our apples ever since.  Russ even made a delicious dessert of some sort of cinnamon fried apple slices, and we put them over ice cream.  It has been fun for Millie Janalee to know she is eating the apples she picked.  For a while every tree we passed was an "apple tree" in here eyes.  Hehe!

When she was ready to go, we walked toward the area where the wagons drove through to drop off more people and pick up others.  Obviously, only a certain number of people could fit on each wagon.  So we didn't get to ride the first one we saw.  And this happened...

Meltdown

We enjoyed the wagon ride back to the country store so we could all pay for our apples we picked.  Millie Janalee liked doing her own shopping for all kinds of apple-related foods.  It was the neatest setup.  Inside the country store was a huge grocery store.  All kinds of fresh fruits and vegetables, homemade jams, dips, ciders, and more.  Russ enjoyed checking it all out.  Every square inch.  Ha!

We bribed Millie Janalee with a sucker.  A rock candy sucker to be exact.  So she didn't mind grocery shopping too much!

While we waited on our reservation time, Millie Janalee loved playing at the little play area nearby with some of the other kids.  She and another little boy hibernated in the playhouse a little too long before his mother and I figured out what they were doing.  Ahem.  Taking care of business.  So we took them both for a diaper change.  I know, I know.  It's time to potty train.  One day I will I promise.  But not today.

The food was delicious.  The service was great.  After filling our tummies, it was time to walk over to the Apple Fest fun.  There were rides and animals and concessions.  Russ and I walked Millie Janalee through the area so we could see exactly how many tickets we actually needed.  We knew we wouldn't stay around for much longer.  We fed the cows and goats first.  Millie Janalee introduced herself very politely..."Hi. I'm Millie."  She's just the cutest, y'all.

I batted my eyes at Russ so he would pay the $6 for Millie Janalee to ride the pony.  And it was TOTALLY. WORTH. IT!  She loved it!  Everytime she came back around, she waved and yelled "Hey Mama!"  Melt my heart.  I don't have lots of pictures because I broke out the video camera for this event.  I want to be able to hear that sweet 2 year old voice for years to come.

Before leaving, we bought enough tickets for a family choo choo train ride.  Millie Janalee picked out the sparkly red car...the caboose.  We waved at the wagons as we passed by the orchard, and Millie Janalee was in heaven.  And so were we if I'm completely honest.

Sweet family memories added to our St. Louis box.  I love these moments with my family!