Praying for More Book

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I know I've told you a million times how I cherished receiving pictures of you all wearing your "Praying for More" shirts! I have been collecting the pictures to put in a book for our sweet Baby J to look through over and over as he/she grows. A book to remind him/her how loved, how longed for, how prayed for they were. Even when there was just the HOPE of them, we prayed for them. And so did many of you. I'm creating a book to share our journey of hope as we continue this adoption journey.

Well, I've started the book, and I thought I'd share some of the pages. Please continue sending me your pictures wearing your shirts! I love love love seeing all the support and love for Baby J!














So, what do you think? Do you need to send a picture of you and/or your friends/family wearing your shirt? Email them to mssmith_14@yahoo.com or simply tag me in your picture on Facebook. Thank you a million times!
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Life is Good at the Lake

Friday, July 29, 2011

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship

Sisters

The mate was a mighty sailing man
The skipper brave and sure
Three passengers set sail that day
For a five hour tour, a five hour tour.

Lee, our captain

Yes, I joined Kristin and Lee on their first day back in our hometown. I got a text around 9 Tuesday morning asking if I wanted to join them on the boat. Of course, I obliged! I got up, showered, packed, and left within about 45 minutes. We spent all afternoon at Pickwick on the boat Tuesday. This is how I've always loved spending my summers! A beach trip in June and summer days on the lake!

The captain's wife

I ended up spending the night and joining them for another full day in the sun. Wednesday wasn't quite as hot as Tuesday, so we rode around until we went through the gas we had bought. There's just not much as relaxing as laying on the pontoon boat on a weekday when most people are at work. The lake was pretty much ours for the day! Lovely!

Kristin and Lee

Lee did a fabulous job of being our captain! He needed a break after a while, and since we were the only ones around on the water, he just let it pilot itself. When we kept turning to the right, I decided I'd help out with the steering. Pretty scary, I'm sure! Ha!

Me

Thanks, Kristin and Lee for a great time on the lake. Life is always good on the lake!

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Thankful Thursday

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Today I am thankful for YOU and all your support, prayers, and encouragement you have given Russ and me as we embark on this adoption journey. We were so nervous at first, but we have been overwhelmed with your love. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts! One of my favorite things I have seen over these last few months are the pictures of those "praying for more" at your home or around the world. I absolutely canNOT wait to compile all these pictures into a book for sweet Baby J! I've already gotten a book started on Shutterfly. I simply add pictures as I receive them. My latest addition....
My roomie "praying for more" in Costa Rica, where she and her family will move soon to be missionaries. Follow their journey here.

As much as I LOVE that you are still purchasing t-shirts to support our family, we love even more the many prayers lifted on our behalf. Prayers are so much more valuable than anything monetary! Thank you for being our prayer warriors! We can certainly feel them.

Simply put...I'm just THANKFUL on this Thursday afternoon!
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Wordless Wednesday

Movin' 'em Out

Monday, July 25, 2011

After church yesterday, my mom came through town to pick me up for an overnight Jackson trip. Kristin and Lee are moving back to our hometown today, and we decided to travel for moral support. And Kristin loaded Mama's car down with goods! Ha!

Our first stop was to visit Pops. He has had a little rough patch including a fall when getting out of bed (hence the bruise on his eye). He does not like having a roommate and spends his time outside of his room...including sleeping in a reclining chair in the main TV area. I believe he's on schedule to move to a private room this week too. So, we all took a little trip to visit for a couple of hours and joined him for supper.

Kristin, Pops, me, and Mama

Daddy also decided to drive down to Jackson yesterday afternoon to check on Maw Maw. She's been in the hospital for the last two weeks, and the doctors still can't figure out what's going on. Just recently, she has become very disoriented and hallucinating along with her already slurred speech. In fact, she had rumors spreading like wildfire that Russ and I were at the hospital in the waiting room waiting on our baby. My uncle had texted and called family already before my dad was able to find out exactly what had happened. The nurses also found her after she had fallen yesterday evening, so we were glad to all be there to visit her as well.

Since Daddy was in town and Kristin and Lee were leaving today, we decided to eat supper with Jack and Clancy before moving day. It's been a while since one of us "Smithites" hasn't been in town with Clancy. I'm sure she'll be fine, though! We enjoyed a nice dinner at Olive Garden topped it off with a divine Berry Berry (non-fat/sugar free) Yogurt. Yep...20 calories per serving. Yay!

Lee, Kristin, Clancy, and Jack

Mama, me, and Daddy

Daddy spent the night at the hospital with Maw Maw while the rest of us headed to Kristin's to visit until we fell asleep pretty much. We woke up at 5:45 this morning for an early breakfast before the movers arrived. Please note that you will NOT see any pictures from this breakfast because, as you all know, I am NOT a morning person and did NOT want anyone seeing me at that hour! Just because it was early morning hours and quiet did not mean our table wasn't the loudest. As always we added a little energy to Cracker Barrel at the crack of dawn! Ha!

As I speak (or write), the movers are headed to the storage unit where Kristin and Lee's belongings will stay until they find a house. Mama just dropped me off at home, and there's a storm a brewing! Hopefully, the movers will miss the rain!

Keep the movers, Kristin, Lee, and Mama in your prayers as they travel. Also please keep both my grandparents in your prayers as well. Hoping for a explanation and recovery for Maw Maw, and a peace for Pops.

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Fun Visitors and Mail Call

Sunday, July 24, 2011

This Wednesday, I had some fun visitors! Jenny and Grace came up Wednesday morning to spend the day with me. We spent the entire day at the pool...except for our trip to Chik Fil A for lunch. We pretty much had the pool all to ourselves most of the time. Grace showed off all her new cheerleading jumps into the water while Jenny and I talked. We dipped in the pool a few times with Grace to cool off. It was a wonderfully relaxing, girl talk kind of day!

Grace and Jenny

By the time Jenny and Grace were showering and packing up to leave, Russ's parents were in town ready to meet us for supper. Russ's mom has frequent doctor's appointments in town 2-3 times a month. We have loved having them visit each time! Russ and I met them at Perkin's in Collierville since we had to stop by Carmax to finish the paperwork for our new car. Yep. We finally have the car situation settled! Yay! It was a lovely day of visiting!

Thursday morning, I was pleased to accept the package from FedEx because I knew exactly what it was! My 2010 blog book! I know. I am SO behind! I finally found a website that uploads in order automatically. I sat down for few minutes, and the blog was ready to order! Yay! The front cover wasn't near as cute as my www.lulu.com, but it was a tiny fraction of the time spent to get it completed. So that's okay. My 2010 blog posts were too big for one book, so I had to divide my 2010 posts into two volumes. Now, we have those memories on our bookshelf with the rest.


These blog books are priceless to me. Memories are very important. What better way to store those memories. I can't wait to look back, ten years from now, to see how I thought, what I was doing, and how we have changed as a family. I also can't wait to share these memories with our children. Oh, how I would love to read my parents' thoughts early in their marriage! This heirloom is one of the many blessings of blogging.


The website I used is www.blog2print.com. It is very simple to use. Nothing can be personalized though. That was my biggest problem, but I figured I'd get over it! Ha!


If you have a blog and haven't taken the time to have it published into a book, I encourage you to do so. You will not be sorry! I always printed my school blogs into books too. Now I have those memories and thoughts with pictures. Even better than a diary!

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Got Questions? A Guide on How to Ask...

Saturday, July 23, 2011

I was browsing through my occasional adoption reads from adoptive families when I found some GREAT posts! Like I said before, I want to use our experience to educate others about adoption. So many have questions. And I want to answer the questions I am comfortable with. But, I never want to be the one who asks the lady her due date when she is not even pregnant! Nor do I want to ask the lady next to me, "Does that kid even have a parent out here?!" only to find out the lady is his mom. I would never intentionally offend people. And I'm sure you all feel the same way. So, I am sharing with you some great advice on asking questions.

**I can't take credit for this. I'm simply passing on good information for my friends and family. Special thanks to Chrissy and Lauren for sharing!

Instead of:
"Hey...Where did you get him?"
Try this:
"Gorgeous baby! Are you an adoptive family?"


Why? "Get him" implies that we went on vacation and brought him/her home as a souvenir. It demoralized the child and the adoption process.

Instead of:
"Do you have any REAL children?"
Try this:
"Is this your whole family?"


Why? Because nothing hurts more than insinuating that a child is not really ours...or not as real as a biological child. When we adopt a child, that child is ours. And we are his parents. The end. Again, I want to remind everyone that children come to families in many different ways: natural birth, C-section, international adoption, foster care system, adoption, etc. All these children are real.

Instead of:
"He is so lucky you SAVED him!"
Try this:
"What a lucky mom you are to have such a beautiful baby!"
or
"I bet he is such a huge blessing to YOU!"


We are the lucky ones. This child we have longed for and prayed for is in our arms. His/her story begins with loss. Loss of a family of origin and what could have been. We will gain. We have the opportunity to parent and love this child forever.

Instead of:
"When did you get him?"
Try this:
"How long has he been home?"


Why? We did not go pick him up a the store or meat market. He is a treasured member of our family...prayed for a longed for.

Instead of:
"What happened to his real parents?"
Try this:
Keeping this question to yourself.


Why? If you are really interested on why parents make adoption plans for their children, do the research. This is not ours nor anyone else's business. We don't ask intimate details of other people's history. It's inappropriate. Please treat adoptive parents, the child, and his/her birthparents with respect.

Instead of:
"Why would his parents give him away?"
Try this:
(see above and do not ever speak this question out loud)


Children are not given away. It's a sacrifice, and not one that you and I could ever comprehend. Some birth parents are too young to care for a child. Some are single, poor, and have no way to provide for the child. There are many reasons why birthparents make an adoption plan for their child as an act of love, and this decision is a devastating one. It's not like these moms just want to go party all night and not take care of a kid. It's probably the most difficult decision these birthparents will ever make.

Instead of:
"Yeah, I heard of this family who adopted and the child ended up killing their dog and then..."
or
"I hope you don't get one like ____."
Try this:
Keeping it to yourself.


Why? That's my question...why would you even go there? It's like those people who tell horror stories of pregnancies going wrong to an expectant mother. It's not like she's going to change her mind about having her baby. She knows there could be problems. All these comments do is discourage. Same with adopting families. We have already done 100 times the research and know much more about these scenarios than you may. We know there are hard things about adoption. Do you really want us to change our mind? And if so, why would you prevent any child from gaining a family? Be encouraging and keep your horror stories to yourself.

Instead of:
"This is Megan and Russ's adopted child."
Try this:
"This is Megan and Russ's child."


Why? I would never go around introducing your children as, "this one is the slow reader and this is the straight A student, and this one is the one with a lisp." Please don't use qualifiers to describe children. The child is our child - fully.

Instead of:
"...is adopted."
Try this:
"...was adopted."


Why? Our child WAS adopted. Then, he/she is just our child. Adoption is merely how he/she entered our family. It would be like me saying your child is a C-section child. That's just silly!

Instead of:
"What if they want to go back to their real parents when they are older?
Try this:
"Have you made plans for a birth parent search when they are older?"


Why? Ultimately it's up to the children when they get old enough to decide if they want to contact their relatives. We will have that information ready for them when they are mature enough to handle it.


Now, this guide is just a small snippet of the questions adoptive parents get on a regular basis. But, to ask the questions appropriately just takes a mental turn around in the way people think about adoption and children in general to a more compassionate, child-centered view. There are so many well-meaning people that have sincere questions, but they don't know how these words can evoke feelings. This post is to educate those people. Hope it helps if only to make you a little more thoughtful in how you ask.

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Understanding Adoption

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I love how The Whole Life Adoption Book explains adoption! I've been reading and rereading parts of this book as we prepare for our own adoption miracle. I have realized more and more how few people really understand adoption and what it means to our little family. And, it's even been more interesting to hear the questions we have been asked. We were told this would happen. And it has. I love the information, experience, and understanding I have found in the blogging community. I have a great opportunity to educate others through our story and help others understand adoption better.

There are two kinds of relationships in life...one is genetic and one is a union that begins with a promise. These relationships are easy for us all to understand: the genetic relationships we have with our family of origin and our union of promise we have with our husbands/wives. My marriage is a relationship of promise. Russ is my family by promise and by law. Adoption is another union that begins with a promise and is recognized in law.
Adoption is...providing loving parents and family for the child whose biological parents are not both willing and able to parent. Understand that first. Adoption is providing loving parents and family for the child. Adoption is not finding a child for our family.
I have actually had that question asked of me..."Will you be able to choose your child? Will birthmothers have profiles like yours for you to look through?" I remember reading this on another adoption blog to which she answered, "Umm. We are not going to the meat market." Ha! I thought that was quite clever. However, I also understand that there is so much misconception about adoption and perhaps this journey is a way to spread the understanding. So, to answer that question - no, we will not choose a baby. Again, remember that adoption is not about me...not about Russ. Adoption is about the child. Finding a loving family for the child. Adoption is about the child. Birthparents are the parents of their child and have every single right to choose where their baby is to be placed. The child is not mine to choose. Adoption is a loving plan that birthparents make for their children. Voluntarily. Because they want more for their children. They are parents. We are not parents until the papers are signed.

I've also had more comments and suggestions dealing with pregnancy during this adoption journey. I want you to know that adoption, like birth, is a miracle. Both unique in their own way. Adoption is not our "plan B". Maybe I haven't made that clear. Adoption is our heart. We feel called to adopt. We have not been told we cannot get pregnant, nor have we been given any reason to think we cannot conceive. I think God used our trouble to bring us to Him. Adoption is what God has led us to as we begin to grow our family. We are giddy even with excitement when we think about bringing our baby home. Pregnancy has not crossed our mind. That is a God thing. He has changed our desires. And that is more than okay with me. I've spent many years fighting His plan. And, I'm not planning to do that again. God's way is better than anything any of us could imagine. Adoption is my new "Plan A." We have made a choice to love a child and embrace a child to be a part of our family forever.

"Is she your real daughter?" they asked me. "Real?" I questioned. "What do you mean by real? She is a child not born of my flesh, that's true. But she is a child truly born within my heart...within my soul. Yes, she is real."
-an adoptive mother

Adoption, like the decision to have a biological child, will alter the course of life. I love how this book worded exactly how our journey has gone. 'The idea emerges first as a HOPE. It grows and gathers energy, and finally a family is born.' A family that may not be a relationship based on genetics, but a relationship formed with a promise. A promise to be a mama to that child forever. Our child. No less our child that one birthed by me. Our child. Period.

Natural Child: any child who is not artificial
Real Parent: any parent who is not imaginary
Your own child: any child who is not someone else's child
Adopted child: a natural child with a real parent, who is all my own
-Rita Law

Please continue to lift us up as we continue on our adoption journey. We can't wait to see how God forms our family! I can't wait to see what our family will look like, act like, be like. This is one of the most exciting experiences we have been on so far and it's all because we are completely trusting Him to put us together...forming our little family. Thanks for joining the excitement!

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Home Visit

Monday, July 18, 2011

Well, I'm still here. I have exhaled. This past week was a whirlwind of adoption activity. Our sweet worker, Elizabeth, was so sweet to squeeze everything in before her vacation. Saturday was our scheduled home visit. I become extra paranoid sometimes when people come over. I hate....I repeat....hate to clean. Especially bathrooms! But, I'm ultra picky about a clean house. I prefer to keep it tidy and clean with everyday maintenance so as to avoid a deep cleaning binge. This drives Russ crazy and he is not concerned much at all with a tidy house. So, we usually end up on a deep cleaning binge every now and then. But, when someone is coming to your home to assess your readiness for children...it opens a whole new can of worms! Talk about overreacting! So, what do you do when you need a clean house by a deadline? Call your mom, of course!

My mom, who also dislikes cleaning I should note, graciously came to help us clean. And, I do mean clean. We cleaned baseboards, vacuumed, dusted, mopped (I didn't even have one of those since we moved into the apartment! Gross, I know!), and guide me as we deep cleaned. It was also so nice for her to be here because Russ couldn't complain or refuse to help. Ha! He's always very good to help me clean...it just may not be on my timeline. This, I realize, is still something to be very thankful for. Trust me. I am thankful! So, anyway, my mom gave Russ his assignment...cabinet locks and toilets! Neither me or Mama wanted to do toilets, so we passed it off to Russ. And he did a fabulous job! Thank you, thank you to both Mama and Russ for all your help! Our little apartment looked just beautiful!

I babyproofed a few other areas in our home. Since Russ's closet is actually in the baby's room, I found a great way to lock those doors. And, just because you don't see my picture...don't assume I didn't help. I did. I promise!

I also did some extra little happy things... One of those things was finding this super cute and perfect lamp from Hobby Lobby! It was perfect for the room and just the type of piece I've been looking for! I love how the crystal-looking base work perfectly with the crystal drawer pulls! I love it!

I also spent some extra time making sure we had a profile book sample to show Elizabeth. I wanted her advice and to make sure it looked okay. So I ordered one copy for her to "edit."


Now, let me get down to business. The actual home visit. First of all, I should be honest and tell you that I had heard not to overdo it with the cleaning. I had heard that the home visit is not to make sure your home is perfectly organized. I had heard there was no white glove test. But, I prepared for it anyway. And you know that you would have done the same! Don't laugh. Please know that the peace of mind knowing how clean and prepared our home was was worth the trouble.

So, Elizabeth got here a little after 10 Saturday morning. We chatted a little in the doorway before taking her on a tour. She walked through and commented on how cute everything was and loved the baby's room. But, I'm pretty sure she never looked at the baseboards, wood surfaces, inside bathtubs, or in all our clean toilets. In fact, she really didn't even notice all the babyproofing. Sigh. However, once she walked through the house, we showed her where the fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, and carbon monoxide detector were. We sat at our kitchen table to talk. Her first question was how we planned to babyproof our home. BINGO! Already completed! So, we pointed that out. Then, we discussed our community, church, diversity in our community as well as within our apartment complex. We finished up discussions on things we have already disclosed just to clear up any questions she may have. Some of those topics included finances, employment, etc. We spent the rest of our time discussing our service plan. A service plan is a list of options on social and medical history of birthparents and extended family, attributes of child(ren), openness, and birthmother's prenatal history. After we talked through our decisions and Elizabeth's advice, we shared our profile book. She loved it, and she had some great thoughts! Since then I've worked through the book and I think it's ready to print! Our final service plan was submitted last night. I was looking through our fee schedule, and I noticed we have paid all that is due before placement. So, if I'm correct...the next check we write to Bethany will be because of a placement! Wow!

Please continue to pray for our journey as we await our final hopeful approval, our adoption training on August 4, and our possible long wait. We are ready and anxious and prayerful that God would move through our journey in a way that is "immeasurably more than anything we could ever ask or imagine!" And, we are so grateful for you and your commitment to join us in prayer.

Praying for More...

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Ode to the Jeep

Thursday, July 14, 2011

It is a sad day in my home today. My dearly beloved Jeep...the first car Russ and I bought together has expired. Most of you saw on Facebook when I posted about my little "fender bender." Well...not exactly. See for yourself and decide what it was....

It was a rainy Friday morning in my little hometown Mississippi. I was helping with VBS and wanted to arrive early to prepare. However, I ran in to a little snag. Driving downtown (Did you hear that?! DOWNTOWN! Where the speed limit is between 15-25 mph!) proved not to be as safe as I thought. As I approached the street merely four blocks away from the church, I see it. A big, white work truck pull out in front of me. Hoping he would see me and stop, I slowed down. Once I realized he would not stop, I slammed on my brakes. Apparently, not quite fast enough. Next thing I know, dust is coming from the airbag that employed (which I mistakenly thought was smoke) which caused me to jump out of the car as fast as I could. I pried the door open and took a look at the damage.

There I sat. Up three steps and in some sweet lady's yard, I'm sure. How in the world could this happen in the middle of downtown Small Town, USA? No idea! But, it did. I don't remember anything about the actual wreck part. I looked down to see a burn from the airbag on my arm, but nothing more! Thank goodness! Accidents happen and all is well. Everyone was very nice as I stood there crying like a baby.

But, the bad news came today. After a full month I might add. My dearly beloved Jeep has been totaled. Let's all take a moment of silence as we remember the good times had with Jose the Jeep, as Dustin, Lee, and Russ named it.

So, now, we begin the frantic hunt for a vehicle equal to the amount the adjuster thought this priceless Jeep was worth. Not sure that will happen, but we'll try!

This is my Ode to the Jeep.

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Individual Interviews

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Well, we are moving right along in our home study process! I had my individual interview today, Russ has his Friday, and we have our home visit Saturday morning. It's very exciting to be proactive in the process while we can. It's enough to keep us busy. Of course, once all this is over...we'll just be waiting. It could be long...and seem even longer. Praying for sooner rather than later. But, we are mostly praying for His perfect timing!

So, what does an individual interview entail? Well, we pretty much just talked about my self study. Since I was so detailed on my answers (Imagine that! Ha!) I think it was pretty simple. There were a few things our worker had questions about, but mostly she just wanted to talk about my answers and hear me verbally explain my thinking and feelings about certain subjects.

We talked about my personality. She asked me to describe my personality in a few words or phrases and how it has changed over the years. Then, we talked about each of my family members and my relationship with them growing up and now. She took a few notes here and there on them. Does that make you nervous, Smiths? Ha! Going along with family, we talked about the way I was parented...what I hoped to emulate and what I wanted to try differently. We also discussed how I was disciplined and how I plan to discipline my children. We talked about my happy childhood memories and went on to talk about how close I was with my grandparents. We moved into the marriage section with a big question..."What has been the highlight of your marriage?" That one wasn't on the self study and I had to think. Have you ever really thought about that yourself? Especially if you haven't already experienced a child together? It was thought provoking, and the more I talked the more I thought of that were highlights. Then, we also discussed the most difficult time of our marriage. We talked about how we divide household responsibilities, how it has worked, and that we agree on them. She reminded me of how blessed I am to have a husband who helps around the house. Yes, I know! My mom reminds me of this all the time!! As we entered the parenting section of the interview, we discussed how I thought children will impact our marriage and how I plan to instill character, values, and certain qualities in our children. We also talked about our local school system. When we got to the adoption section, we discussed how long we have wanted to adopt and explain how infertility led us to this place. We talked about what I had done to prepare for adoptive parenthood and how we plan to talk with our child about his/her story and adoption. A difficult question was how I thought children who were adopted felt about adoption. It's hard to answer for something that you've never personally experienced. However, I have talked to several friends who have been through this and I shared what they had told me. We talked about my plans for employment in the future and what I'm doing now. Lastly, she asked me to describe my physical appearance complete with my weight! Ouch! Ha! I'm assuming this is for our physical description.

Our worker was so great to keep the conversation going very naturally. I did not feel like I was being interrogated or anything at all! In fact, our hour and a half went by surprisingly fast. I cannot say enough about how pleasant this experience has been so far! In fact, at one point, our worker smiled and said, "You're going to be great." How reassuring for this nervous adoptive mom wannabe!

I know this post is probably far too detailed for most of you, but I promised to share things I wish I had known. So I am. Remember, though, that all interviews are different. I'm sure each agency and each individual social worker conducts them differently. However, everyone I have ever talked with has said that it really is not a checklist of items and looking for one thing to take your name off the list. The home study process is really just a time to get to know you individually and as a couple. They want to see that they are placing a child in a loving home that has prayerfully thought through this decision and is ready to parent.

Russ has his interview Friday. So pray for him around 2:30. Then, Elizabeth will come to our home Saturday morning for our home visit. Yay! The home visit is the final part of our home study. Since she will be out of town after that, we don't expect our home study complete (if approved) until mid August. But, hey! That was my goal...end of summer! Woo hoo!! We have an adoption training on August 4th. I ordered a preview of my profile this week, and I'm ready to check it and order five for the Bethany offices.

We are moving right along!

Praying for More...

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Fun and Funky Towel Aprons

We have been so thankful for all your support with our t-shirt fundraiser! We have sold close to 300 shirts and are so thankful for each and every prayer lifted for our sweet baby! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Most of you know that I've been creating these super cute towel aprons since the holidays. They are SO cute! I'm using this opportunity to raise more support for our adoption fees. Take a look at what I have available right now. Do you have a birthday coming up? Christmas in July? Pick up one of these unique aprons. I have both adult and children's aprons available in fun, bright colors!

Adult styles available...




Styles







Children styles available...




Styles







Thanks so much for your continued support!

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