Millie Janalee had a great first week of preschool.  As expected, she LOVES it and asks everyday if she can go to school.  Or dance class.  Or gymnastics.  Ha!  We had Russ's family over for Labor Day.  we planned an earlier dinner so we could get kids bathed and in bed at a decent hour.  They had a ball swimming and playing after dinner, and the adults enjoyed visiting.  It was Russ's mom's first time to see our new house, so we were excited for her visit.  I was able to get Millie Janalee to the bathtub and bathed with only a medium meltdown for all to see!  But she was bathed and ready for bed at a reasonable time.

I sat in bed with her and read her current favorite "princess book" and then I pulled out my First Day Jitters book from my teaching days.  We read the book and talked about school and friends and her teachers.  She was so excited about seeing all her "fwiends."  We said our prayers, I kissed my toddler goodnight, and I laid all her school things out for her first day!  Because I would wake up with a PRESCHOOLER!

Since I was walking her in to school, I had to be up and ready too.  So I set my alarm, started getting ready, and walked across my quiet house.  I walked in Millie Janalee's room and rubbed her back to wake her up.  She woke up just as pleasant as could be.  I asked if she was ready for school, and she said "YEAH!"  She jumped out of bed and enjoyed breakfast before getting dressed for pre-first day pictures.  Thank goodness Russ was off work last week, because he was a huge help taking care of Smith while I did all the morning things with Millie Janalee.  Surprisingly, we were both ready with plenty of time for pictures and calmly gathering our belongings for the drive to school.

Smith was also very interested in what was going on.  He didn't realize yet that he was going to be so sad and miss his big sister so much during the day.  Bless his sweet little heart!  He has had some adjusting to do.

I was doing so well, and I have been so excited about preschool.  Then we pulled into the parking lot.

And I felt a lump in my throat.

Millie Janalee was asking to get out and go to school, and I was frozen unable to talk to her without my voice cracking.  Yep.  I had a moment.  I wiped my eyes and tried to gather myself as I got out of the car to let her out.  I put her backpack on her and we walked hand in hand across the parking lot as the other students arrived.

We walked into her classroom - like maybe two feet into the room - when she turned around and looked up at me.  "Bye Mama!"  What?!?!  There were no tears.  No hesitation.  Nothing to make me say, "Oh, you don't want to grow  up?  Okay.  Let's get out of here!"  Nothing but excitement.  Sigh.  We found her little cubby so we could hang her backpack and it was right next to her friend, Jack.

Her teacher led some of the children over to the table to color apples.  She sat right down and went to work.  Oh, how my heart aches at how fast this happened!

So, as you can imagine, I walked to my car and sat there for a little while.  Tears streaming down my face.  It was a ridiculous sight, really.  Lord help me when my kids go to college.  I am so proud of how confident my little oldest girl is.  I am proud of her personality and her love and her smile.  And I pray others see her the way I see her.

Precious.  A gift.

Here's to new beginnings and new stages!

Ten Months

Y'all.

This cuteness overload is brought to you by a TEN MONTH old baby boy that I love!  I know I have been so terrible at recording his last few months, but trust me when I say that I have been right in the thick of each change, month, and milestone.  This boy is keeping me on my toes for sure!

In fact, he is almost eleven months old.  That means we are quickly approaching his first birthday.  Whaaat?!?!  So let me do a quick update on the past few months with our precious addition to our family.  I believe my last update was at seven months.

Since May, Smith has been through lots of changes.  He FINALLY has his own room and our children actually live in a house...not an apartment.  He has two sweet bottom teeth.  I'm pretty sure he may be cutting more - at least I'm hoping that is the reason for his mood this past week.  He is standing on his own and I project will be off and walking anytime now!  He talks and giggles and smiles with his entire face!  He still has the sweetest dimples I have ever seen and his eyes disappear when he's really tickled.  I love it!

Smith is mostly wearing 12 month clothes and size 4 diapers.  He is actually wearing size 3 now, because we have lots leftover...but size 4 is a better fit.  He takes three 8 ounce bottles a day (morning, afternoon, and night).  Before his morning nap, he also eats one pack of baby food with oatmeal.  For lunch, he eats one pack of veggies and one pack of fruit.  Same for dinner.  My favorite times in the day are when I go in his room after he wakes up from his sleep.  He is just the sweetest thing playing peek-a-boo in bed!  Also putting him to bed at night as that is the ONLY time he allows me to hold him close and rock.  The rest of the day, he is wide open.  Play, hold him, get down, play, pick him up, get down, play, find Millie Janalee, play and giggle with her, pick him up, get down.  It's pretty much like that all day.  I just want to snuggle his sweet cheeks so badly!  And nighttime is my time to do it.  He likes banana slices, and he didn't seem to like green peas.  He simply spit it back out and threw them on the floor. Ha!  Other than that and puffs or mum mums, we haven't tried much table food.  He also doesn't seem to like drinking from a sippy cup - he just wants to play with it.  Sigh.

Smith wakes up between 7 and 8 usually.  He naps at 10 and again around 2 or 3, depending on Millie Janalee's schedule.  And he goes to bed at 8.  However, last night I put him down at 7:30 and it was the best night this week.  He must be going through some change -maybe teeth.

He can say "Dada" and "Mama".  He also clicks his tongue and plays peek a boo.  Peek a boo actually looks more like he's slapping his face, but I know what he's doing.  Exactly what we do.  Holding his hands over his eyes and taking them down quickly.  He's just super fast and ends up hitting himself.  Outsiders may think he finds some kind of enjoyment in hurting himself.  Ha!  His favorite toys are really anything - pink or not.  Lately, he has been VERY into playing with balls.  Our  neighbors encouraged us to buy the boy a ball that isn't pink.  This was after I took him across the street to visit with Millie Janalee's pink soccer ball.  Ha! He loves to throw things.  Anything.  But especially balls.  He's got quite an arm!  Last week, we sat in the floor and practiced rolling the ball back and forth to each other.

He loves, loves, loves his big sister!  Oh my.  Since Millie Janalee started school, Smith is lost during the day.  He goes into her room looking for her.  When she's napping after school, he goes to her door and bangs.  He misses her.  And so do I, honestly.  In the mornings this summer, I would let Millie Janalee go "check him" in the mornings while I laid in bed a few more minutes.  I could hear them on the monitor giggling, talking, and having such a good time.  By the time I made it in there, Smith would be sitting in his bed with the biggest grin on his face!  Surrounded by every toy in his room.  Ha!  Their favorite activity during the day is singing and dancing to Millie Janalee's kids gospel music on her karaoke machine.  Smith has got some moves, and it is the funniest thing watching him when the music starts.  He also learned how to "sing" in the microphone.  The two of them can entertain themselves in her room forever.  I just smile listening to them play.  I pray they always enjoy one another.  Riding in the car is fun too.  Millie Janalee plays peek a boo with Smith.  They also have some kind of game they play that involves lots of kicking and cackling.  I'm not sure what the back of my front seats look like, but it's worth it to hear the happiness and love between those two babies.  Watching them grow to love and enjoy each other - watching their personalities grow - is one of my greatest joys in life right now!

Smith has had a very busy few months.  In fact, his entire 10 months of life have been busy and full of activity.  But he has rolled with the punches just fine, and I think he loves it here.  We love you, Smith, more than you can ever know.  I pray you grow to understand more each day how much love your Daddy and I have for you!  I pray you understand how high, how deep, and how wide our Father's love is for you also.  You are precious.  You were chosen.  And you were part of a perfect plan - worth every single punch along the way.

Happy TEN MONTHS sweet boy!

Preschool…Here We Come!

This has been a big week around here!  We officially have a "preschooler!"  Not a toddler.  Not a baby. A PRESCHOOLER.  I feel like that might make me more official as a mama.  Ha ha!  The week Russ signed his letter of intent with the radiology group here was also preschool registration most places.  So I immediately got on the phone with two of the most highly recommended preschools here.  The preschool director called me back and said she had one open spot - and it was in the three year old class!  Sign me up!

Everything about our move feels like it was totally and completely meant to be.  From Russ's job and buying our perfect house to getting Millie Janalee in a fabulous preschool and having some of the best neighbors.  It really has been a great experience so far.

Last week, Russ and I took Millie Janalee to her Preschool Open House to meet her teachers and all her new "fwiends."  She is one of two new students in her class, and I think the other little girl is native to the area...so we are actually the only newcomers.  Everyone was so welcoming and couldn't wait to meet the new parents in the room and find out who the little girl with the glasses was.  We were blessed with an amazing teacher, and we cannot wait to hear all about each school day.  We were some of the first ones there and some of the last ones to leave.

I blame that on the playground...

My parents took Smith with them to celebrate my brother's birthday in Starkville.  So Russ and I had Millie Janalee all to ourselves for the night.  We asked her what she wanted to eat for supper.  I had a fun hibachi grill in  mind.  She wanted pancakes.  So that's what we did.  We and a big date night at IHOP.  Where she didn't even eat her pancake!

But, that's okay.  We celebrated her.

Millie Janalee has been SO EXCITED about school and playing with her "fwiends."  I have been excited for her.  I just can't believe how fast the time went.  When did I turn my back for her to grow up?  She looks so grown.  And acts it too!  We have struggled through potty training, and we are improving.  We are learning to obey, and it's a process.  We are loving her fiercely.  And she loves back.

As I watched her play in her new classroom the night of Open House, I began to pray that she be the friend who is kind and compassionate.  The friend who welcomes the new student.  The friend who asks the little girl sitting alone to play.  The friend who sees someone crying and offers a hug.  I began to pray for compassion.  Because those are the things I hope the other friends offer her.  It's funny how you can worry about a three year old being accepted and loved for who she is.  Because we all know three year olds don't really care.  They play alone or with others - usually without prejudice. Ha!

I pray for a great year of making new friends and having FUN!  It's sure to be an adventure!

Painful Rejoicing

"However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" -- the things God has prepared for those who love him--" 

Thankful tonight that my father-in-law is experiencing all that God has prepared for him. What an impact this man has had on countless others. Evidenced by the incredible outpouring of love by those who love him. His faith became sight tonight as our family gathered around him and saw him breathe his last breath. What an honor and privilege. Thank you, God, for Russ's dad. Thank you, Jim, for the legacy you leave behind and the amazing man you raised that I call my husband. Heaven gained a precious angel and there is rejoicing tonight! What a sight it must be!

Those are the words I typed late in the early hours on July 30.  It had been a night full of togetherness, desperate prayers, lots of tears, and a house full of family and dear friends.  July 29 at 9:15 pm my father-in-law left this chaotic world for his eternal home.  A home he has been ready for and anxious to see.  We rejoice for him as we can only imagine what that night was like for him.  And, yet, as I type these words still...over a month later...my heart is aching and tears are filling my eyes.

Because we miss him.  Russ picks up his cell phone to call home many nights after work...and for that brief second he thinks, "I can't wait to talk to Dad."  I look through pictures from time to time and I still can't comprehend myself the reality.  We miss him.

We miss his opinions - and he had many.  We miss being able to ask him anything about anything and  he had the answer.  We miss his hugs, his jokes, and his smile.  We miss watching Millie Janalee race into the house looking for Pop to give a big hug.  We miss seeing Smith's face light up when Pop smiled and talked to him.  We miss his loving jokes as he messed with Russ's mom and made us all laugh or snicker.  We miss his prayers at the dinner table or in the sunroom.  I even miss getting in trouble for not using a coaster over and over again.  We just miss his voice.

We miss him.

Back in February, Jim had a procedure for what the doctors hoped was a gall stone or gall bladder issue.  What they found when they opened him up was a tumor.  The doctors took some tissue to test the tumor, and we would soon learn that Russ's dad had a rare and aggressive bile duct cancer called cholangiocarcinoma.  Russ referred him to a renowned surgeon in St. Louis that specialized in this type of cancer.  Because of the recent surgery, the surgeon recommended three rounds of chemo while his body healed from the surgery and so we could see what kind of spread we were looking at.  Jim was presented in a muti-disciplinary conference at Barnes Jewish Hospital to discuss the case, and all were in agreement with treatment.  Jim underwent rough rounds of chemo with a smile on his face and encouraging words to anyone he came in contact with.  He was thankful and considered himself blessed and lucky to be in such great shape, living the life he has lived, and proud of his family.  His disposition throughout was a blessing to us as family.  And a testimony to all that knew him.  He returned to the surgeon on May 18 for more scans and to make plans for the upcoming surgery to remove the cancer.  It was that day we learned the cancer had spread and grown.  It was no longer operable.  Chemo would, at best, double his life expectancy - although we didn't know what that timeline was.  Jim declined chemo.  He wanted to live the life he had left as full as he could.

We didn't know what that meant - years, months, weeks?  We presumed it would be more like months, but I don't know that any of us really prepared ourselves for how quickly his health declined.

Russ was still finishing up his fellowship in St. Louis.  His attendings allowed him time to leave to spend time with his dad.  We could never thank them enough for the precious memories made.  The entire family basically moved in for the remainder of the summer.  And in case you don't know - there's 17 or more of us!!  We were sleeping in beds, on the floor, in recliners, on couches, and anywhere else we could.  I've never felt closer to Russ's family than I did in those days and times.  We were all there for the sole purpose of spending time together.  We listened to Jim tell stories, we reminisced, we laughed, we hugged, and we cried.  We had scares.  Very few of us slept.  We sang hymns with family and friends.  We were blessed by so many who brought food, drinks, and flowers.

During that time, Russ and I moved back to Mississippi.  We were so thankful to be close to family.  Russ started with the radiology group here, and they were so accommodating during those last days.  Russ was scheduled to work in Starkville on Wednesday, July 30.  At the last minute, one of the partners offered to swap with him.  We had moved back in with Russ's parents that last week, and Russ commuted back and forth.  He and Jimmy came in from work that day and immediately noticed a drastic difference.  Something those of us who had been there all day weren't able to realize.

We gathered around Jim's bed as a family...holding hands and laying hands on Jim.  Holding on to the time we had in that moment.  Russ's Uncle Sam led us in a special prayer.  Everyone dispersed around the house doing different things.  Minutes later, Russ called us all in the room and we watched as Jim breathed his last breath.

With arms wrapped around each other, we celebrated Jim's life and mourned for those of us left behind.  We missed him already.

The visitations and funeral were such a visual representation of how many people Russ's dad helped and touched during his life.  There was never an end to the line of people who came through.  The chapel was packed.  He was a friend to so many.  And those people loved us, as his family, well during this time.  There are not enough words to express our thanks to those who supplied us with food, encouragement, cards, flowers, and even those who shared their own stories of how Jim helped them.  What a legacy.

Jim lived his life well.

We know we will see Jim again.  But it's still hard.  We know he was ready.  He knew where he was going, and he couldn't wait to get there.  And, OH, how great our reunion will be!  I can see his face now with that grin from ear to ear...proud of his children, grandchildren, and all of us who will go running just for another hug around the neck.

Thankful to our Father for Jim's life.