If you have not read the adoption testimony from a birthfamily's perspective, please take time to read it here.  I am so honored to be the platform in which A and her mom shared their story of God's faithfulness...making beauty from ashes.  The birth grandmother who shared on November 6 also sent a helpful list of ways to love and support birthmothers and their families.  I think this will be a great resource for you if/when you minister to, support, and love birthmothers.

1. Just LOVE her. Hug her, encourage her, smile at her. She often feels shame and judgment. I cannot tell you how precious the notes, texts, and emails were to all of us. We would read them again and again during tough times. Our friends encouraged both A as she lived through this challenging time and my husband and I as we parented and supported her. Some friends even brought her a “happy” or took her to lunch or a movie. Anytime during the pregnancy is a great time to reach out, but the first few weeks after the birth were the most helpful—it’s a lonely time and having something to do helps. A had very few friends who stood by her, but the ones who did were so special. I think that some friends just felt awkward and didn’t know what to say. That is where moms can help our teens figure out the best way to minister to their friends. A will always have a deep love for our church, which showed her acceptance, concern, and grace.

2. I love the quote, “Be brave enough to tell your own story and kind enough not to tell someone else.” A’s pregnancy was quite the topic of conversation. Two women even decided to discuss A’s pregnancy over lunch in the booth next to us (they knew all about her, even though they didn’t know what she looked like!). Please be aware that what you are saying gets back to the birthmother and her family! We notice when you whisper, point, or stare, and it hurts. And comments made within earshot of a sibling are hurtful, too. Please, be kind.

3. Don’t say, “How can you give your baby away?” or “I could never put my baby up for adoption.” I respectfully say, you have no idea what you can or cannot do until you are faced with that decision. Also, you don’t know all of the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy—the birthmother does. These statements are judgmental, not helpful, and not honoring the difficult decision made by the birthmother.

4. If you are in a close relationship with the birthmother or birth family, just follow their lead in discussing the baby. Some families are very private and don’t want to discuss the pregnancy or baby; others are open and feel comfortable sharing stories and pictures. There are a few close friends who bless us by asking about the baby. We love to show them his latest picture—he is beautiful! But we also have close friends who act like last year never happened. We have even been told that A should not see pictures or keep in touch with the adoptive family so that she could forget him. Really? She doesn’t want to forget him; she wants to celebrate this precious boy and his wonderful family! Seeing him healthy, happy, and so very well loved gives meaning to her pregnancy. So if you are in a close relationship with a birthmother and she wants to talk about her child, please listen, console, encourage, and acknowledge this life changing experience.

Friday Five

1. {Thanksgiving art}  Millie Janalee and I worked on some fun turkey toes and turkey hands this week, and I LOVE how it turned out!  Before you go saying what I've already heard..."This would be a disaster with my child!" or "I can't imagine trying this with mine!"...please know that we did this project over the course of three days.  Millie Janalee really loves sticking her hand in the paint, and she also started helping me put her hand in place.  Which you can imagine isn't all that "helpful", but I love that she enjoys it.  Am I a glutton for punishment if I want to try actual fingerpainting soon?  She's getting some for Christmas.  I really cannot believe that Thanksgiving is next week.  Can you?

2. {God Gave Us Love}  I'm so glad you all have enjoyed our adoption series.  I have too!  This week's adoption testimony came from the perspective of foster parents.  You will want to read it and see how God can surprise you even in the midst of uncertainty!  Click here to read Amy's story.  If you want to catch up on all the posts in the series, you can find them here.

3. {Daddy's girl}  Lately Millie Janalee has become pretty attached, and it's quite tragic when she sees one of us gathering our things to leave.  Farley freaks out too, which makes for a fun exit most days.  Ha!  Last week, Russ was taking Farley out for a walk.  It was too cold for her to join him in her pajamas (or maybe it was raining...I can't remember).  Anyway, she stood at the door crying her little heart out for her Daddy.  I tried my best to distract her, but it didn't last long.  Bless her!

4. {Our family pictures arrived!}  Our sweet friends, Matt and Leah, took our family pictures a few weeks ago, and they are wonderful!  We got our CD in the mail yesterday, and I pretty much can't decide which are my favorites.  I'll show you more soon.

5. {THIS happened!}  Ahem.  [insert music] Hallelujah!  Hallelujah!  Chik-fil-a FINALLY started serving my favorite Peppermint and Chocolate Chip Milkshake!  The day they debuted, I had two Facebook friends message me and share the ad with me.  This was helpful so I didn't have to make another weekly call asking if they were in yet.  So I went.  That very day.  And it was worth it!  So good!  I think I'll go get another one today.

How was your week?

Thankful for a Little Girl's Day Out

Yesterday we drove over to a nearby town (which is really only 15 minutes away) to spend the morning with Millie Janalee's little friend Ann Phillips and her mommy.  Hillary and I went to school together, and her brother and I graduated together.  So we go way back.  Your fun fact for the day is that she and Russ actually dated (or maybe just "talked"...I'm not 100% on the facts) before Russ and I started dating.  Ha!  She ended up marrying a Russ...just not my Russ.  Now, don't you feel enlightened?

Sweet friends

Anyway, we met Ann Phillips and Hillary just as they were pulling out in the stroller.  We took the girls on a beautiful stroll through downtown toward the local library for storytime.  This was both of our first times at storytime, and we were hopeful the library wouldn't throw our busy 15 and 16 month olds out.  The children's section of the library was perfect for toddlers!  The computers were toddler friendly, there were puzzles and playmats, and there were even fun little interactive cars.  The storytime lady came out with blankets.  The older children began quickly helping her lay all the blankets out for seating.

Very into the crayon book!

Listening so well

Millie Janalee and Ann Phillips stayed pretty busy, but occasionally they made their way over to listen to the story as the lady read.  One of the older girls had to push Millie Janalee out of her way so that she could see, because Millie Janalee was taking her time scooting past her.  Oops!  Haha! 

Two girls...one puzzle piece.  Ha!

Mostly the girls carried around random puzzle pieces for the entire first part of storytime...helping them flex their sharing muscles as you can see above.  Ha!  The little girl beside them was obviously distracted by the cute little friends.  Hillary and I quickly found another puzzle piece on the floor to replace the one taken by the winner of this interaction.  All was well.  And they had no clue they were learning to share. 

Hillary reading to her little love

Once the puzzle pieces grew boring, the little friends took books off the library shelves and played with the toys meeting new friends while the storytime lady finished her first book.  Ann Phillips loved finding all the puppets while Millie Janalee plotted her escape routes to use for multiple escapes later that morning.

The girls playing with new friends.

It didn't take long for storytime to grab the attention of these two sweeties!  "I'm a Little Teapot" was next.  All the children stood to make their handle and spout.  Millie Janalee and Ann Phillips watched closely as they tried to figure out just how to make their little bodies into teapots.

After "I'm a Little Teapot" and "If You're Happy and You Know It", there was one last story...narrated on the iPad.  Hillary and I are pretty intrigued at this idea and looking to get these for home.  Ann Phillips wanted to make sure she was right in the action during this story.  Ha! 

After storytime, we let the girls play around awhile as the crowd thinned out.  Millie Janalee browsed the board book section taking book after book off the shelf.  The teacher in me was cringing, but I figure she's not the first toddler to take all the books off.  And I did put them back in the end.  Between taking books off the shelves and playing with friends, she only tried to sneak off three times or so.  Hillary and I had blocked one entrance with our strollers, but there were two more.  I'm still not sure how she did it.  I was standing right there every time.  She wasn't trying to escape the library, but she sure did love running the long aisles of adult books.  The library worker helped me find my little runaway a couple of times, and she was running toward me with a big smile on her face like "Did you see what I did Mama?!  It was so fun!"  I now understand why parents put leashes on their children.  Seriously, I knew she couldn't roam far, so there was no reason to panic.  It is a small library.

After all the fun was had, we took the girls strolling to a downtown restaurant for lunch.  Millie Janalee stayed entertained by Ann Phillips and her funny mama.  We enjoyed a yummy lunch full of conversation about the girls and headed back.

The girls were exhausted by the time we made it back to Hillary's.  Ann Phillips enjoyed a little nap during the stroll too.  We said our goodbyes and were asleep before we arrived home.  It was a fun little girl's day out!

We are thankful for our little sweet friends and a beautiful day to enjoy!

God Gave Us Love {Amy's Story}

Today I've asked Amy and Jeremy to share their story of foster adoption.  Foster adoption is something Russ and I researched and considered before choosing domestic adoption through an agency.  The need for foster parents is very high.  And it can be very painful.  I think our longing for a child and teetering emotions at that time would have been a disservice to any child placed in our home through fostering.  I am grateful for those God calls to care for these precious children.  It is not an easy road.  Leaving out any identifying details about their story, Amy shares their story of foster adoption. 

This is our story of learning to love and trust in the midst of uncertainty.

Jeremy and I have been very passionate about adoption since we started dating…10+ years ago! The call to adopt always stayed close to our hearts, but it wasn’t until October of 2011 that we felt God tugging tremendously.

In August of 2011, after moving six hours away from family and friends, Jeremy and I knew we needed to develop a close circle of friends to keep us company during this transition. Several of these friends either had adopted, fostered, or were passionate about orphan care. From August 2011 to October 2011, we got to know these people and hear their experiences with fulfilling their call to adopt. The foster care stories of the Ray family stuck out to us the most. Jeremy and I were absolutely amazed at the need for foster parents. So, we began researching and praying about becoming a resource family with Department of Human Services. We decided it would be best to apply as an “adoption only” home, and in May of 2012, we were approved as a resource family!

Throughout the licensing process, I became very doubtful. People assumed we were unable to have biological children, and that made me very hesitant and emotional. I often wondered, and still do, why it takes infertility for someone to consider adoption. Jeremy prayed with me for peace because we knew God was calling us to adopt, and we did not want to be led astray from that call. James 1:27 calls each of us to care for widows and orphans, so how could this NOT be God’s will? Eventually, that peace came.

In July of 2012, a friend called about a possible private adoption. We began talking with an attorney and the birthmother. This seemed like a pretty sure commitment for about five weeks. However, on August 16, 2012, the birthmother sent a text message saying that she had chosen another family. Heartbroken…that’s all I felt for days….but God of course had BIG plans! Exactly three weeks later, DHS called about a two-month old baby boy in need of an adoptive home. We jumped at the opportunity and were thrilled!

Over the next three and a half months, there were many family visits. This made us very nervous, but we still trusted. Information was given to us that ended up being false, but we learned that being a foster parent only requires one thing: love for the child. Although this false information made us get our hopes up, we knew this baby needed love while he was with us…and THAT…we knew we could give! After December 2012, we were waiting for Little Man to be released for adoption. However, a few holes were not patched, and in April of 2013, there was still no date set. A new case worker informed us that she would be finishing the proper paperwork in order to receive a date. How exciting! After a long six months, we would actually know a time frame in which Little Man would officially be a Richey!

In the meantime, on Mother’s Day 2013, we got the shock of our lives…a positive pregnancy test! WHAT?! “This is NOT supposed to happen now!“ is all I could think. Yes, Jeremy and I were thrilled, but we thought our plan for adoption would be seen through without any other “interruptions.” However, God’s BIG plan was proving to be BIGGER right in front of our eyes. We began to slowly prepare for a baby to be born January 16, 2014, and we waited patiently on a date to be set for Little Man. On August 26, 2013, we found out that Little Man would be a big brother to a baby girl, Mary Evelyn! How exciting! It was time to start teaching him how to be a great big brother.

A few weeks later, we were informed that a date had been set for….drumroll….January 17, 2014! Yes…the day after my due date we would be receiving official news about Little Man. How crazy is that?! We have had lots of laughs over the coincidence of these two dates. We know it is all a part of God’s plan. After all, sometimes miracles come in twos!

So, now we wait. We wait for Little Man to officially become a Richey. We wait on Mary Evelyn to be born into a family with a wonderful big brother. We wait. As difficult as it may seem, we are full of peace and happiness. Through the waiting, there are only two things you can do: trust and be happy or worry and be miserable. So….why not trust and be happy? God’s plans are absolutely indescribable, and we are so thankful He has chosen this adventure for us.

We cannot say it has been easy by any means. We have wanted to give up from time to time, but how would that be glorifying God? Throughout this adoption journey, we focused on Hebrews 11:1- “Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” There are many things seen and unseen that we have encountered during this amazing adventure. Our hope continues to be following God’s will and putting our entire trust in Him. He is faithful; we just have to wait for His timing. The past fourteen months have bee the best experience of our lives.

Although many would say that our experience has been less than desirable, we enter this season of thanksgiving very grateful for each detail of this journey. Each detail forms who Little Man is. Each detail forms decisions we have made as a family. Each detail makes us more passionate about foster care and adoption. Each detail makes us stronger. Each detail makes us trust in God more than ever before. Each detail makes us…thankful….thankful we are Little Man’s providers…thankful for the opportunity to fulfill this calling…thankful Little Man came into our lives to show us unconditional love and trust in the midst of uncertainty.

How blessed and thankful we are…and ready for our two January miracles!

Thankful for Answered Prayers

"Take delight in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

This is one of the verses I clung to during the 7 years of waiting to become a mother.  Someone encouraged me with the verse.  She was on the other side of the promise, so I trusted her words.  This promise changed in meaning for me over the years too.  My prayers changed from, "God please give me a positive on this test" and "Please allow it to work this time" to...

"Change my heart, Lord.  Change my heart to match Yours.  I cannot stand the hurt anymore, and I want to desire what you desire for me."

It wasn't until my prayers changed that my heart changed.  God's promise is true.  If we take delight in Him, He will give us the desires of our hearts.  But many, like me, misinterpret what the verse is saying.  I thought this meant that He would give me what I'm asking for if I just spend more time with Him and walk with Him and study Him and follow Him. 

That is not the case.

If we truly take delight in the Lord, our hearts will change.  We will begin to desire what He desires.  We will find His plan for our lives.  And OH!  It is immeasurably more than anything we could ask for!

My true desire was for this little blue-eyed sweet girl!  God knew my heart's desire.  He knew I needed her and she would be waiting on me.  He knew the days that would lead up to her birth, and He chose a family for her. 

And now I pray Psalm 17:8 over her...and many others.  I pray that I will continue to pray for His desires...that they will become mine.  I pray that I desire for her what God desires for her.  I pray that He will remind her daily and hourly what a delight she is.  That He takes delight in her!

I know He is able.

Because He's done it before, and He can do it again.  And again.  Even the years of "unanswered prayers" were answered prayers.  I just didn't know it yet.

There are many unanswered prayers that we may never see answered on this side of Heaven, but I trust the One who knows the desires of my heart better than I do.  Because He has proven Himself over and over again.  His plan for our life is immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine!

I am thankful.

Thankful for Change

It is Fall.

No matter how many Christmas lights and trees (including my own) you see.  It is still Fall.  The colors that cover the landscape are breathtaking.  Everything about it makes me happy and smiley and feel energized.  As I do at the changing of every season.

I am thankful for change.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven..."
Ecclesiastes 3:1

All these physical changes remind me of the changes found in the human spirit.  People change too.  Priorities.  Interests.  Goals.  Behaviors.  Appearances.  Thoughts.  And more...

I am thankful for change.

I sometimes let my mind wander back to my younger years.  [That makes me sound old.  And I'm not.]  Most of us have years of our life we wish we could forget.  There is a year or two of high school I wish I could sweep under the rug and forget.  Most of the time I do.  But then there's a person or a comment made that brings it all back.  And I cringe.

People always say they have no regrets because mistakes make them who they are.  I disagree.  There are some mistakes that helped mold me.  Then there are mistakes that just made me look like an idiot.  Seriously.  And what's funny about the whole thing is all (with the exception of one thing I can think of) the things I regret happened during the small amount of time I was "cool" or in the "popular crowd".  Eleven years later I cringe at even the pressure and desire I felt to be "cool."  And I look at my life now.  I'm anything but "cool," and I certainly don't hang out with the "popular crowd" as seen by the world.  I am surrounded by family and friends who have a love and passion for living their lives for God.  They encourage me, love me for the mess I am, and are genuinely concerned with the ups and downs of my life...and my heart.  My friends and family?  They are way above my "coolness" and way above my character.  And they aren't going anywhere.

I am thankful for change.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-change.html#sthash.IC3whZ1z.dpuf

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-change.html#sthash.IC3whZ1z.dpuf

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." - See more at: http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/bible-verses-about-change.html#sthash.IC3whZ1z.dpuf

As I watch my daughter grow and change, I am thankful.  Thankful for the change she will experience when she makes mistakes.  Even mistakes that serve no purpose but to make her look foolish.  I'm not naive enough to think she won't need change.  We all do.  I am thankful to a Father who already knows the days of her life, and I pray that He prepare her heart for His plan.  And I pray that she actively seek His plan.

Because it's perfect for her.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will."  Romans 12:2

Today I am thankful for change.

Thankful for our Pumpkin Patch Days

During the years of waiting, I dreamed of my Pumpkin Patch Days.  It seems that Fall and the holidays are the most difficult times for those of us who waited and are still waiting to grow our families.  There are always pictures of little ones at the pumpkin patch and dressed up in Halloween costumes and having pictures with Santa.

So believe me when I say that I do not take my Pumpkin Patch Days for granted.  It is especially important to me that we visit a pumpkin patch...because of the years and months and days I dreamed of my turn.  I am thankful.

The day Millie Janalee and I returned from meeting baby Selah Grace, we changed clothes and joined Russ for the local pumpkin patch.  Russ's schedule, in case you didn't already know, is always packed full.  So when we have the opportunity for a family day...we jump at it!

It was a beautiful day with a slight chill in the air.  The third Fall outfit I put on Millie Janalee finally fit.  The others I had to have altered or put back for next year!  Ha! Russ and I had never been to this pumpkin patch, but it was full of activities for little ones and families.  Including a petting zoo.  Maybe you remember how much Millie Janalee loves a good petting zoo.  Ha!

We let her walk around a good bit on her own around the barn and watching the animals and birds pacing around.  She was so very happy to scuffle those little feet around in the loose dirt.  She was also quite a hit with the passers by.  She loves to wave and talk to people as they walk past.  I think she will make friends easily.

At the end of the petting zoo walkway was a little train that rides around a circle in a field.  So of course we loaded up!  I think she enjoyed it, even though this picture looks like she didn't.  We'll just say it was because she didn't want to get off.  Ha!  She waved at the families waiting in line as we passed by.  And they waved back.  Naturally.

Millie Janalee loves her Daddy!  You can see why I love days we are able to enjoy as a family of three.  When Russ gets home from work, Millie Janalee's little face just lights up.  She likes to follow him around at night, and when he gets ready to take Farley out for a walk...it's quite tragic if she doesn't get to tag along.  Ha!  I think it's fair to say that she enjoyed her time with her Daddy at the pumpkin patch.

Some might think that it's no big deal since I'm with her 24/7.  You could not be more wrong!  It's funny really.  I find myself glued to every move and sound she makes.  It all fascinates me.  Like I'm experiencing the world for the first time with her...through her eyes.  This girl is so fun-loving and frankly my little bestie!  I love her so!

I especially love spending days like these with her.

After visiting all the animals in the petting zoo and riding the train, we ventured over to a field where the hay maze was.  We didn't actually do much exploring the little maze.  Instead we picked grass in the same spot for some time.  It's the little things after all.

Of course we also made time for fun on the playground.  This was Millie Janalee's first experience on a public swingset.  She was unsure at first, but it didn't take long for her tickle box to turn over.  It began getting a little too chilly for us to have Millie Janalee out without her legs covered, so we decided to start shutting our pumpkin patch trip down.

You can't leave the pumpkin patch without a pumpkin!  Millie Janalee spent lots of time meticulously touching and browsing all the options she could reach.  We waited for her to find a pumpkin she liked...which was all of them.  But we also knew she could only physically pick up a small one.  So we let her curiosity run wild for a while.

Before long, she found the bin of tiny pumpkins.  I would love to say that it was a dreamy picture of my 15 month old picking a pumpkin, walking over to me to signal her decision, and we happily walked away ready to paint or carve said pumpkin.

But that would be a lie.

What actually happened was she thought the bin of pumpkins was a toy chest full of balls.  She picked them up and threw them down, then reached back in for more.  When we started picking up the pumpkins and told her she could only choose one...she was not happy.  We managed to walk her away from the tiny pumpkin bin, but she wasn't finished playing with her new "orange ball."

Before we left, I insisted on taking pictures on the pumpkin wagon.  First my turn, then Russ's.  You can see from the pictures how her mood progressed as she realized we were leaving the fun of the day.

See.  Even when she's crying, she's precious!  Or is that just what all mothers say?

No matter how we ended, I am so thankful for my own "pumpkin patch days"!  Oh how I waited for them!  If you are still waiting on yours, it's coming!