God Gave Us Love {Rebecca's Story}

 I realize that most of you reading this have never had first-hand experience with adoption.  But, I also know that many of you have been touched through adoption by seeing God move in families, hearing hard and beautiful adoption stories, or by some other way.  I hear from readers all the time whose hearts have been moved by our sharing Millie Janalee's story and the stories of others through this series.  One of those people was Rebecca.  Rebecca and her family have a very different story.  But a journey that brought her closer to the heart of birthmothers.  Please take some time to read how adoption has touched her family in the midst of tragedy.

Our story is a little different than the others...we have a different perspective about adoption because of losing a child of our own.

Last Thanksgiving, we had two healthy boys and were pregnant with our third baby. We went for our 19 week sonogram to check on the baby and to find out the baby's gender. We first found out that the baby was another boy, but then the technician left to get someone else to help her see his legs better. The second technician came in and after a few minutes said that she couldn't get a good measurement of his femurs and would call the doctor. We knew then that something was wrong. Our sweet doctor quickly came in and looked at the sonogram and took us to his office. He told us that our baby boy either had a form of dwarfism or down syndrome and made an appointment to see a specialist two days later. We instantly felt God's comfort and knew that he would carry us through whatever was to come, but we honestly thought we would have a baby with down syndrome or with shorter legs...it didn't really cross our minds that our baby may not live. We found out at our next appointment that he had a lethal form of dwarfism called Thanatophoric Dysplasia. Thanatophoric means death bearing, so we were told there was really no chance for survival after birth. With such a serious diagnosis, we felt it was wise to consult a second doctor. He agreed and was very certain of the diagnosis. Jonathan had such a small chest cavity that there would be no room for his organs to grow or for his lungs to expand when he started to breath on his own. We were told that if he survived delivery, that he would only live for a few minutes.

We cannot explain how God gave us such a peace during this and continued to bless us in so many ways. We were surrounded by many who loved us and supported us in a variety of ways...from meals, to helping with our kids, praying for us, cards and emails, sending us encouraging scripture, books to prepare us for Jonathan's birth and death, etc. It is such a blessing to look back and see how God placed so many people in our lives at just the right time. God even prepared us emotionally and spiritually for this difficult time. Our boys had never really dealt with death before this year, but it is amazing to see how God even prepared them for losing a brother. About a year before we were pregnant with Jonathan, 4 family dogs died which provided us an opportunity for us to explain the reality of death. Later that year my grandmother, both of Justin's grandmothers, and two of Justin's uncles passed away. This was a very difficult time, but it provided many discussions with our boys about death, heaven, hell, and missing loved ones, but at the same time rejoicing that they are in heaven. Without us knowing, God had even prepared us for suffering in many of our Bible studies and sermon series that we heard in the last couple of years.

I can't tell you how many times I quoted Romans 8:28 to myself, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those are called according to his purpose.” We knew that God would/will do all things for our good and His glory. We didn't know and still don't know his purposes for Jonathan's short life, but we are confident that the main purpose of his life was to bring glory to God. In Nancy Guthries book, Holding on to Hope, she talks about suffering...she says, "The purpose (of suffering) is not to disfigure you for life but to mold you into a person who thinks and acts and looks like Christ." What a good thing to pray...that we would think and act and look like Christ.  This song, “Sovereign Over Us”, by Aaron Keyes was such a blessing to us. The lyrics are so many of promises of God's faithfulness, strength, love, wisdom, etc straight from the Bible. If you are going through any type of trial, I urge you to listen to this.

The day of Jonathan's birth was such a sweet, sweet day! Many, many friends and family members came and sat at the hospital...all day in uncomfortable office chairs...just to support us, and we were prayed for by more people than we will ever know! Again, God gave us much grace and peace on March 26, as we knew that Jonathan's birthday would also be the day he went to Heaven.

That brings me to adoption.

Since Jonathan, my heart has gone out to those moms and dads who are carrying and delivering a baby that they will not see grow up. I now know how hard it is to sit in the delivery room knowing that your life will be forever changed because of this sweet baby, yet you will not know them for very long. I know how hard it is when the friendly people in Walmart ask, “What are you having?, When are you due?, Wow, you look like you are going to pop, how soon is that baby coming?” I can only imagine how hard that must be for a girl to go through that, especially if she is young or alone. These girls have such a tough decision to make in a society where abortion is so common. I admire them for making the choice to choose life, and I pray for them often. Their selfless act is such a blessing to those like Megan and Russ, who have been waiting to adopt for so long. My prayer is that more and more girls will choose life over abortion and bless families who long to adopt and nurture and raise these children in Godly homes.