Not Us Monday

I spent the last few days telling you about all the things we did to get ready for Clancy and Jack's wedding. So, I thought I'd mix things up and tell you all the things we absolutely did NOT do for this wedding!

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In a frenzy preparing for the bridesmaids' brunch, I did NOT instruct Lee to simply dump two gallons of ice cream straight from the carton into the coffee mocha punch! I would never allow two huge chunks of ice cream to plunk down into a mixture of liquid. That would be messy! We then absolutely did NOT have to get my dad to break up the ice cream with a butcher knife. My freezer would never freeze that well, and we are much too sophisticated to do such a thing! This certainly DIDN'T happen!


Russ would NEVER hog crawfish at a rehearsal dinner! He is a very polite man who is always concerned with cleanliness. He absolutely did NOT stand at the crawfish table, where the crawfish was constantly dumped out, for two whole hours devouring more and more crawfish. No way! I just know he would NOT leave me to fend for myself as I found potatoes and corn to eat for supper. NOT Russ!


My uncle and his friend, Little John, did NOT gather, sort, and tie tiny bows on the rice bundles for the wedding! They would never do such a thing during work hours. NOT Uncle Howard! And, if he did do that...which he DIDN'T, he would NEVER say, "I had that tool-ee spread everywhere!" And, if my mom had corrected him...which she never had to do...he would NOT respond with, "Well, that's what the package says! T-U-L-L-E....tool-ee!" Ha! Nah....NOT him!


I absolutely did NOT look like an alien coming in from outer space to take the bride into the dark abyss before the wedding. I'm always very concerned with my looks! And, if I had looked like said alien, I certain would NOT ask the bride to pose with me for a "roller picture." That would just be embarrassing! NOT me!


Speaking of cuteness, I made sure that I was dressed perfectly before taking any pictures. I was the "most sophisticated" for sure! I absolutely always looked just like this...

...NEVER taking a picture from the knees up only to camouflage what was happening below the knee. NOT me! NEVER!


And, while we are talking about things below the knee, my cousin certainly did NOT wear these adorable, custom cowboy boots with her wedding dress! NO! Clancy has and always will be the primmest of the proper! She would NEVER do something so crazy! That's just NOT her at all!


In case you haven't noticed already, I did NOT have the best time ever with Clancy's bridesmaids before pictures! They are boring fuddy duds who never want to do anything fun! We did NOT laugh, make fun of each other, nor make future girls night plans all day. Nope! NOT us! These girls could NEVER have a good time!


Russ was NOT excited about dancing with his wife to our song at the reception. He would have much rather been sitting on his bum watching everyone around him enjoy the dance floor. And, if he were so bored with our dance, he would never make such an excited gesture to my brother, who was holding our camera. NOT my hubby!


Nothing could top what Jack's Granny did NOT do! She and Jack did NOT take over the dance floor hopping and skipping all over the place! Grandmothers are much too fragile to do this! I'm quite sure that Granny would NOT even consider a thing! How do I know this? Well...

I saw her at the crawfish boil. She absolutely was NOT leaning over the crawfish table with everyone else brave enough and hungry enough to shovel these crawfish into their mouths. She is much too proper for that! Nah...Granny would never be seen having that much fun! NOT her!


Russ and I did NOT stalk all the wedding guests working hard to leave no one out! We, especially I, would NEVER be so invasive! In fact, the actual professional photographer did NOT comment to Russ about how I "always found a way to get the picture I wanted!" Surely I'm NOT that obvious! No way! And, I definitely would NOT photograph this family friend and blog reader just to put it on the blog. NOT me!


And, last, everyone knows that I am a wonderful dancer! Kelly especially LOVES to watch me do the body roll. I danced all the way through the "Cha Cha Slide." I cha cha-ed to the left, cha cha-ed to the right, and everything else they asked me to do. And, when the song asked that we "put your hands on your knees, hands on your knees" I promise I did NOT simply squat with my hands on my knees! Like I said, I dance very well. I was NOT scared to complete that whole move. NO way!


Nope! NONE of that happened this weekend! It was all beauty and perfection! Nothing crazy at all!

NOT us!

Now, what did you NOT do?