I don't know about y'all, but I am enjoying reading these adoption stories so much! Today's post is from Alison. God placed Alison and her little family of fun and rambunctious boys in our lives the day we found out about Millie Janalee, and we will forever have a special bond. Their story is unique and wonderful! I hope you will take time to read her story of open adoption and God's little life surprises.
Growing up I always dreamed of being a mom and having twins. My precious baby dolls would be named, dressed, and ready to play all day long. My dolls and I would visit with my many cousins and we would play house and teacher for hours upon hours. (I learned a lot about being a teacher from my babies!) I just knew one day my prince would come and we would get married, start our careers, build a house, and start our family. All of this happened, but not in the way I had planned. And for that I am forever grateful!
While in junior high, I met this very silly, but oh so cute, guy named Adam. We quickly became best friends, he began coming to church with my family, and we dated on and off through high school and junior college. Things became more serious while I was at Southern Miss working on my bachelor’s degree. On November 5, 2004, he proposed after agreeing with my parents that we would wait until I finished my master’s degree. On June 9, 2007, we were finally married! The same week of our wedding, I began my dream job and life was great. Check, check - Part one and two of MY plan was completed!
After being married a little over a year and a half, we knew it was time to begin building our dream home. Adam is an electrician and my dad is the best handyman ever. With their help and the help of our wonderful family and friends, we began building our home. A couple of months before moving in, we felt like our home would be very empty when finished. We were ready to begin our family. We were so busy painting, caulking, and moving that we didn’t really notice that months went by and no sign of a baby. After a year, we decided it was time seek medical advice and see what could be going on. Check –Part three of OUR plan was completed! We just knew part four would be soon.
After several visits to the doctor, we found that there were some problems. The problems were actually with both of us. Adam and I knew going into this where our boundaries were. I think that is what kept us sane. We knew our limit was medication. During our time of dating, Adam and I had discussed adoption. It was something that we both felt like God would one day lead us to. We had planned we would have a biological child and then one day adopt from China. After trying medication for several months, we decided we would find out more about Bethany Christian Services. We had some very good friends who had adopted their son through them and knew they were very pleased with the organization. On June 10, 2010, the director of our local Bethany office came to speak at our church about local infant adoptions. We received our first application. We were on cloud nine!
On February 25, 2011 after several months of interviews, paperwork, paper cuts, and tears, our homestudy was finally approved and we were paper pregnant. We were so excited! We knew in the back of our minds that the wait would probably be long but that didn’t matter to us. We had made a step forward in starting our family and we were excited about the possibilities.
We learned to live life with the thought in the back of our minds that a baby could be coming for us any day. We didn’t know if we would ever be able to meet his/her birthparents but we had hoped we would. During this time, I discovered the show 16 and Pregnant and the couple, Tyler and Catelynn. I know it sounds completely silly but I often prayed we could have the same experience that the adoptive family did. I loved the idea of building a relationship with the birthfamily and having that connection. During all of the paperwork, we chose a semi-open adoption with the option of meeting the birthfamily, if possible. Due to my limited experiences with adoption, I really didn’t think that would ever happen.
The day we got “the call” will be forever engrained in my memory. It was July 25, 2011. I was home on summer break when our social worker called. It wasn’t uncommon to get calls from her. She would often need updated paperwork, want to enroll us in an upcoming class, or just want to check on us. I nonchalantly answered the phone to hear sweet CC ask me how I was doing. I could tell in her voice that this wasn’t going to be the typical call from her. She began by telling me that we had been chosen to adopt a baby boy that was due August 25th. We had only been waiting for six months! After bursting into tears, I finally composed myself enough to grab a notebook and a pen and began taking notes. After getting all of the information about the visit the birthparents wanted to have, I hung up with her and immediately called Adam. Adam is a very lighthearted person and doesn’t take many things seriously. When I told him about the call, he accused me of lying to him. I assured him this was nothing to joke about. We hadn’t given much thought to who we would tell, how we would tell them, or when we would get the word out. But in that moment, it didn’t matter. We were so excited that we quickly told our family that day. I called the bakery and picked up petit fours with blue booties on top to help share the news. The next day we made the announcement Facebook official. I’ll never forget my post – “Yesterday at 12:11 our world was rocked. We got a call that we have been chosen to parent a precious baby boy that is due in August. Please continue to pray for the birthparents as we go to meet them. Nothing is legal yet so we are very excited but guarded. Also, continue to pray for us no matter the outcome.” The support we received from our friends and family was outstanding.
On August 1, 2011, Adam and I made our way to Jackson to meet the birthparents. We were so nervous. What do you say to the person who could possibly be carrying your child? How do you act? We were worried that they would not like us or we would say something that made them think we were not ready to be parents. All of that changed when we walked in to meet them. We have so many similarities. We enjoy many of the same things. We could have talked for hours. It felt so natural to us. After the meeting, our social worker was so surprised. She said she had never been in a visit that went as well as ours.
After our visit, we felt comfortable enough to begin preparing to bring our son home. Over the next few weeks, we had a lot to do. We had already purchased a crib but we didn’t have anything else. We just wanted the basics to begin with. To be honest, we were scared. We were scared to not have what we needed, but we didn’t want a lot of things to deal with if things didn’t work out.
And during this time we prayed! We prayed like we had never prayed before. We were so concerned about the birthparents. We couldn’t imagine what they were going through. Adam always said he couldn’t be mad at them if they changed their minds. And he was right. The decision to place their first born son into a different family was completely out of love. We loved this couple before we even knew their names. We loved their baby that would soon be born. We were preparing our hearts for whatever God had in store for us.
On August 24 around 8:15, I was in my classroom working with my students when my cell phone rang. It was our social worker. She was calling to let us know that the sweet baby that was due to be born the next day had made his arrival. Clark Douglas was born at 1:51am, weighed 6 pounds 5 ounces, and was 20 inches long. She said everyone was doing well and she would contact me later in the day about our time to visit him.
The birthparents had made a hospital plan. Their plan was for the baby to be born on one day and the next day we would be invited to come meet him. It was very important for them to be there when we met him for the first time. The following day, they would be discharged from the hospital and then we would pick him up to bring him home. It all went as planned. We went to the hospital on August 25th to meet him for the first time. I will never forget what he looked like all wrapped up in his birthmother’s arms. He was absolutely perfect. His birthparents had gifts for him that we cherish to this day. The following day we went to our local Bethany office and signed all of the papers before heading to Jackson to bring home our son. It was such a surreal experience. We were being given instruction after instruction about how to care for a newborn, but I don’t think I listened to much of what they said. I was in love. It felt so natural to be feeding him, changing his clothes, and swaddling him. We arrived home to a house full of family and friends. We were so excited to introduce Clark to the rest of the family.
During the meeting with Clark’s birthparents, we had decided that we would send pictures and letters each month until he was 12 months old. Then, we would send them several times during the year. They also had a desire to see him at least a couple of times a year, once around his birthday and once around Christmas. We loved this idea. I’m going to be very honest. Many of our family members were leery of this. They didn’t understand how we could allow Clark to know them and how they could even want to see him. They thought it would be too confusing for Clark and too hurtful for them. I don’t think anyone was being mean about this. They truly just didn’t understand.
Over the last two years, our relationship with Clark’s birthparents has continued to grow. We have met at least twice each year. We have opened our lines of communication to outside of the agency. Clark’s birthmom and I have grown extremely close. We consider each other friends. We text, email, or Facebook with each other on a weekly basis. It has been an awesome experience. We feel that always having them a part of Clark’s life will make it easier on him as he grows older. There will be questions that he has that we cannot answer. They are willing to be as little or as big of a part of his life as necessary. They just want him to be happy and healthy. That is true love!
Adam and I have always been very open with our family’s adoption experience and the relationship we have with Clark’s birthparents. I know there are other adoptive families that are not as open about the process as we are. We feel that allowing others to get a glimpse into our life and how our family has been blessed by adoption will break many of the misconceptions. This includes the questions concerning open adoptions. We can also share the love we have for both Clark and Eaven. It has never mattered to us that one is adopted and the other is biological. It really never crosses our minds. Our love for them is exactly the same. Adoption isn’t second best by any means.
In all of these experiences, God has taught me so much. He has taught me that love has no boundaries. Love does what is best for others without thinking twice about yourself. Family doesn’t have to be defined by biology but can be more like the Brady Bunch. He has taught me that my willingness to do what He has called me to do, no matter the cost, uncertainty, or difficulty, will lead to things better than I could have ever imagined. He has taught me patience and perseverance. He has blessed me more than I could ever say thank you for.
I’m so thankful God got rid of my list and truly showed me that “every good gift and ever perfect gift comes from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17).
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