Easter is one of my favorite holidays!  I love this time of year...of course, I just love the changing of the seasons anytime.  But, spring really is such a beautiful time.  It's a time when all things are made new.  How appropriate that Easter is celebrated during this time!  Our Father makes all things new!  It is because of His cruel and unimaginable death on the cross followed by His beautiful resurrection that we are made new.  Like the song says, "Then, the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred.  You took the hopeless, the life, ruined, wasted, and marred...and made it new."

"He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then He said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'" Revelation 21:5

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 

As you know by now, Russ and I love spending time with family!  We are blessed with close relationships on both sides and lots of events for every holiday and occasion!  We began our Easter holiday with the annual Easter Egg Hunt at Jimmy and Roan's.  We were late, because my mom cooked a huge breakfast, and we don't pass up good food! Ha!  So the egg hunt had already started, and Russ and I drove down the - what seemed to be - 1/2 mile driveway with our windows down waving and talking to everyone as we passed.  We joked that we were on the parade route.

This is one of two times we get to see Russ's extended family...including Russ's cousin and my dear friend growing up, Season.  My first stop was to pick up her sweet baby boy!  I hogged him just like I did at Christmas, and she was happy to rest her arms.  Ha!

Me, Hunter, and Season

Ryan and Russ

While the kids finished finding the last of the hidden eggs, the adults stood around, ate, and visited in the beautiful sunny weather!  It was a perfect day for an egg hunt!

Leanna and Stephanie...two more of Russ's cousins

Roan filling us in on her recovery

This isn't just a family egg hunt.  Jimmy and Roan's family invites their church friends, homeschool friends, work friends, family friends, neighbors.  They have lots of friends.  The reason is because they are such good friends to others.  I think I heard the total count was about 60 children.  Add the babies and adults...and I'm sure there were close to or more than 100.  I'll have to ask Roan about the final head count.

Some of the kids with Nelson...a preacher their church supports in Africa visiting for a month

Once the guests began to trickle out, family members lingered to visit, laugh, play, and enjoy the wonderful day!

Brothers

Russ and his mom

Party of Two

After Russ's parents left, Russ and I hung around for the rest of the day.  Jimmy and Russ ran a few guy errands and got a smoothie while I joined Roan on her weekly grocery shopping trip.  As always, it was a nice day with family!

Julie, Russ's parents, Russ, and Olivia

We left Jimmy and Roan's around 4:30 so that we could be back in town in time for Kristin and Lee's cookout.  They decided to cookout for everyone, including Lee's mom.  We claim her as a Smith most days.  Ha!

Lee and Russ lighting the fire pit

When the sun went down, the air began to cool.  I was very happy to stand by the fire pit.  In fact, I was happy to sit by the fire pit while I ate too!  Lee has been working feverishly in his yard since spring began.  It was lovely!  He topped it off with tiki torches, a new dogwood tree, and other plants Saturday.  They have the perfect back yard for a PAR-TAY!

So we had one!

We spent the entire evening on the back porch enjoying the cool air and fire.  The food was delish!  The company was great!  The conversation left us with side splints from laughing, as always!

Since their back yard is the perfect place to party, you can't expect anything less from this family!  The next few hours were filled with music, dancing, silliness, and lots and lots of FUN!  I'm just saying...How many of you did the Cupid Shuffle with your preacher before your Easter service?  I did!  

Overall, I'd say our Easter pre-parties were a success!  Not a wasted minute of time.  If you're home for the holidays...you gotta make good use of it!

Eight Months

Baby J,

Today marks eight months since your daddy and I were approved to become adoptive parents.  It's crazy to think that it's been a year since we announced our plans to adopt.  I remember it like it was yesterday.  We sent cards out to our close friends and family asking them to pray for our patience as we wait, for your birthmother as she travels this difficult journey, and for YOU!  Man, have we felt those prayers!  A year ago, when we announced the beginning of this journey, we were overwhelmed with the response: calls, texts, emails, blog comments, and the demand for our "Praying for More" shirts.  Overwhelmed completely!  We never felt more loved and supported.  To this day, we have been carried through every day of these past eight months by precious prayers lifted on our behalf.  We could never ever express how thankful we are for every thought, prayer, kind word, hug, email, card, and gift given to us by those who have joined us on this journey.

So many people know about you!  You are one special little one.  You are a special child that is thought about, prayed for, longed for, talked about, cried over, dreamed about, prepared for, and loved indescribably!  It's amazing how much love I have for you...this child I have never met, never felt kick, never heard or seen your heartbeat, and have no idea your due date!  God is good.  All the time!  He has given me this love for you...a sweet Baby J that is growing in my heart instead of my belly.  Adoption truly is a miracle.  And, I have not even met you yet!  I'm overwhelmed at the miracle yet to be seen!  I can only imagine.  And, trust me, I DO!  I try to imagine it all the time!

God has used your story already.  Before you are even here, He has used your story to touch and reach others.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you to be a prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5  

We have met and grown closer to many families waiting to adopt or just starting their journey.  I am so happy that God is using your story to touch other families as they make the beautiful decision to start out on this journey of faith and trust.  I told you that God has big plans for you!  I just wish you could see it.  I'm trying to remember everything, or at least blog about things, so that I can remember to tell you every detail.  I pray that you continue to allow God to use you in big ways all your life.  I pray that you learn to trust Him with everything and allow Him to write your story.

This past month has had some tough days and wonderful days.  Some days have just been hard to get through as I try to get to the next day...in case the next day is THE DAY.  It's easy to get down.  But, I am always reminded of all that we have to be thankful for.  Your Aunt Roan has lifted you up more this month than ever.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer, had a major surgery, and is now cancer free!  That is a lot to take in in one month.  But, she lifted your sweet self up in prayer the entire time.  She said that she used it as an anecdote for her fear and stress...praying for others.  I was so humbled and overwhelmed by her love for you and our family.  I can't wait for her and all the others to meet you - the answer to their earnest prayers.

This weekend, we will celebrate Easter with our families.  Saturday, we will join the Johnson side of the family and many friends at the annual Easter egg hunt Uncle Jimmy and Aunt Roan host.  I look forward to having as much fun as I always do in hopes that you will be with us next year.  We will celebrate Easter at our hometown church Sunday morning.  This service is always so special!  I have pictured you in your little Easter outfit, and I can't wait to see what you actually look like to complete my picture.  After lunch, the "big kids" on the Smith side will have our annual Easter egg hunt.  It's a pretty big deal, and you will not be able to participate in this hunt.  It could be very dangerous for you!  Ha!  There are so many things I'm looking forward to coming up...things I would love for you to be a part of.  One day you will.  And it will be perfect!  Perfectly timed!  I know this for certain.

Until then, sweet Baby J, we will continue to pray for you and the sweet angel who is/will be carrying you!  We will pray and long for the day we meet!

I love you!

Love,
Mama

What I'm Loving Wednesday

Happy Hump Day!  There are supposed to be storm clouds rolling in here this afternoon, but I'm trying to keep it "sunny" with What I'm Loving Wednesday!  With all the issues we've been having with the smoky odor in our apartment and the aggravation of trying to find the solution, it's time for me to think about what I'm loving and be thankful for those things!

So here goes...

I'm LOVING this fabulous weather!  I know many think it's too hot, but just remind yourself of all the times you thought it was too cold.  Try to enjoy what we have!  The changing of seasons is always so fun and new.  I love waking up to the sun on my face, and I love coming home from work with the sun still shining!  

I'm LOVING that I have the best sister-in-laws around!  I'm LOVING that, no matter the age difference, we can act as silly and have as much fun as if we were truly sisters!  I'm LOVING that all our husbands are close too!  I'm LOVING that I can tell Jenny she is the oldest one on the dance floor, and she embraces it PROUDLY with hands in the air!  Ha!

I'm LOVING that Easter is this weekend!  Of course, the celebration of Christ's life and death and resurrection...dying on the cross for our sins.  Suffering the crucifixion so that we could enjoy a home in Heaven with Him.  HE HAS RISEN!  I also look forward to the egg hunts each year.  Not only the kids' egg hunt we enjoy with Russ's side of the family, but it is the day the Smith family has our BIG egg hunt.  You know, the one with prize-filled eggs!  It's a big deal.  Like egg hunt uniforms and all!  In case you need a visual, you can see here and here and here for some of our past hunts.

I'm LOVING sweet, unexpected messages, emails, letters, comments, and prayers!  Last night I received the sweetest message from one of our precious prayer warriors...

Megan,  I was looking at your blog and we came across the picture of you and Russ announcing that you were adopting. Hannah, my 5 year old, asked me what this picture meant and I proceeded to tell her that it meant that God was going to use another lady to help you to get a baby to love. She then said, "Dear God, please give that lady her own wittle baby." I tell you the truth, I cried more over the fact that my 5 year old knew who to pray to rather than what to pray. Even though her prayer was right on target. God hears us and as my grandmother put it, he hears little ones even clearer. I just wanted to share this with you and let you know that you even have a 5 year old blonde haired blue eyed angel named Hannah Marie Robbins praying for God to give you your own "wittle baby". We love you and are PRAYING FOR MORE!

I'm LOVING the fact that I've been with Nathan, Haley, Brooke, Peyton, Lucas, Mouth, "Skills," and the rest of the group from One Tree Hill since the previews of the first season!  I was in college when we saw previews showing a boy in a gray hoodie dribbling a basketball down the street with the sound of Gavin Degraw's "I Don't Wanna Be" playing.  Yep.  Those were the days!  We called them "TV Tuesdays"....every Tuesday night a group of my friends would come over to watch Gilmore Girls and One Tree Hill.  We would eat chocolate...or macaroni and cheese and broccoli!  Ha!  We would sing the One Tree Hill theme song at the top of our lungs every single time!  Even after we were married, some of us would call each other to sing the opening song at the beginning of each episode.  Lots of memories made.  I've been with this cast since DAY ONE!  And, tonight, the two hour series finale will air.  I'm in a small state of depression over it.  I was in tears during last week's episode as I watched how everything is closing up.  I feel the need to call my TV Tuesday group and insist that they come over to commemorate the event.  If only they didn't have kids, families, and live 2-3 hours away!  I can guarantee you, though, that I will have Kelly, Jennifer, Jamie, and Rachael on my mind all night!  It's the end of an era.

I'm LOVING skinny bright jeans! I've bought a few pair myself.  Now, I'm searching for my silky flowy tops to wear with them.  I'm thinking something that covers a little bit of this booty of mine!  Ha!

So....there's a look at some of the things I'm LOVING today!

What have you been loving lately?

Charity Ball 2012

So, this past weekend was a bit busy for the hubs and myself.  We drove over 360 miles combined in between Russ's call schedule, spent time with friends and family, and enjoyed our hometown church's Palm Sunday service.  We had a ball this weekend!

Literally...

One scary crew

The local Junior Auxiliary hosts an annual event each year to raise money.  Although Russ and I have been invited for a few years previously, we have never been able to attend.  When Jenny called and wanted us to go with them, I coaxed Russ to rearrange his schedule so we could attend.  Even if it was to spend some much needed "fun time" with my sister-in-law and her hubby.

Party of Two

Jenny and I both waited until the very last second finding dresses to wear.  I mean, guys have it so easy!  Shirt, suit, tie, socks.  And the tie is really the only thing they actually have to pick out.  But, in my humble opinion, I think we managed pretty well.

Jeff and Jenny

We met at Kristin and Lee's for a little pre-party time of visiting and waiting on another couple.  When we finally got the text that the clinic had closed, and the final part of our group was ready...we began taking our "prom pictures."  Ha!  After all that, I felt like I needed a corsage!

Me and Jenny

We enjoyed a night full of amazing food, much deserved recognitions, seeing people we haven't seen in a while, visiting, the silent auction, dancing to an incredible band, and making memories!  I'm pretty sure I have the best sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws around.  Hands down!

Me and Prentiss

One of the great things about events in our hometown is the opportunity to see high school friends!  Prentiss and Mary Elizabeth are both JA members, and they did a wonderful job helping to make the  night fun for all.  I'm sure the MAJOR hail storm outside was not in their plans.  But, I've just gotta say that I never knew that happened until I heard the reports later.  Like after the band stopped at 1 o'clock Sunday morning.

Our "after party" look...sweat and all!

The boys didn't seem to be tired (or sore) at all!

I'm pretty sure we shut the place down as JA members raced around trying to clean up and head home!  Ha!  Russ and I enjoyed meeting new people, visiting with old friends, and spending some fun time together.

Me, Mary Elizabeth, and Prentiss

All in all...we had a ball!

October Baby

First of all, let me say that our home has now been nearly odor free since Sunday!  Woo hoo!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is a trend!  Only time will tell.  When I was getting ready this morning, I smelled a faint smoky odor.  But I'm hoping that is all it was...faint and temporary.  I poured all the vinegar out yesterday, and I still have the air filter plug-in going in the dining room and guest bathroom.  I'm probably headed to Lowe's soon to pick up a few more just to be safe.  Thanks for the suggestions!  Charcoal will be my next ammo if needed.  Ha!

I also want to take this opportunity to let you all know how overwhelmed I was at the response and encouragement I received on my "Gettin' Real" blog post.  I truly have been blessed by this blog, all of my readers, and our prayer warriors!  Thank you so much!  This past week has been so much better!

To be honest I get my days mixed up these days...but I just know the last several days have been wonderfully pleasant!  The weather has been perfect, the pollen seems to have settled a bit since our last rain, and my attitude has been much more upbeat.  I'm so thankful for that!  Russ and I have started "exercising" together 30 minutes a day.  I walk my two miles while he rollerblades alongside me, ahead of me, and back past me again.  Ha!  He HATES walking!  He would much rather be doing P90X, running, or lifting weights.  But I was a little leery of walking around alone at first.  So, we made a compromise.  He would rollerblade just where he could keep an eye out...and hear me if I scream.  Ha!  And it has been nice for us to do something active together.  Even if we really aren't technically together.

We also made a trip to Memphis Saturday to watch October Baby.  I don't know if you have heard of it or not.  The movie is only playing in select locations...3 of which are in Memphis.  I did see that it was playing in our hometown also.

Let me just say that, in my opinion, it is a movie you will want to see!  I know after Amendment 26 here in Mississippi, there are MANY different views on abortion.  I want to say that Russ and I both were discussing the movie afterward, and we couldn't really find any reason why all sides wouldn't be moved by the story line.  It truly is a movie about forgiveness and healing...just like the previews have stated.  Please take note of this: STAY FOR THE CREDITS!  Phenomenal!

I don't want to give anything away, so take a look at the trailer and see for yourself...

I highly recommend you take your family to see this moving and inspirational movie!  Such a tremendous opportunity to show America and the movie industry that movies don't have to be rated R to be highly successful!  I just read that some theaters are only showing October Baby through Thursday...so make plans to see it before it's gone!  Check your local times to be sure you will get a chance to see it.

Eliminating Odors...Part One

 I am obsessed with odors.  By odors, I mean smell-good Wallflowers, candles, and other scents.  I have at least one Wallflower in every room, hallway, and bathroom.  I love to walk into my home, take a deep breath, smile, and relax.  I love that my guests always comment on the smell when they first enter our home.  A good smell.

Well.  My obsession is being tested.  As you know by now, Russ and I moved into an apartment complex when we first moved to this area.  For a few reasons:

1. Because we wanted to get familiar with the area before we looked into a more permanent dwelling. 
2. Because we wanted to use mortgage, repair, and upkeep money to help us save for our adoption.
3. It's just US.  We don't need much, so why not live in an apartment while we can.
4. We lost way too much money when we sold our precious home in Jackson, so we were NOT the least bit interested in buying again until we knew we were settling for a long time.

We have recently been blessed with a new neighbor.  I will say that our neighbor is very friendly, and I have no problem with her at all.

Except. For. The. Odor.  The cigarette smoke odor.

We have since learned that this has been an issue before.  Apparently, side by side neighbors share some part of the ventilation system...or something like that.  Because we can smell the horrid smell.  I was nearly knocked down when I opened my door the other day.  Yuck!  It's worse in certain parts of our apartment.  We have talked with management, who in turn talked to our neighbor yesterday afternoon.  She was very nice and wanted to apologize, but our manager didn't tell her who complained.  She also said she was trying to quit.  The manager suggested she leave her windows open with a fan or smoke outside.  I was satisfied with the result of that conversation.

Until.  This morning.

Russ and I both had headaches and began to smell the pungent odor.  Now, if we could smell it after sleeping there and sitting in it all night and morning, I know it must've been strong.  Meaning...if we had just arrived home, we would be knocked down upon opening the door.  I was near tears with frustration and worry.  What if my clothes smell like it?  What if our furniture smells like it?  What if the baby's room smells like it?  How can I bring a baby home to this stench?  We went to the apartment office to get a copy of our lease and explain our dissatisfaction.  We asked about the option of switching apartments, and I suggested designated smoking and non-smoking apartments.  That seemed like a common sense solution to a problem that has happened before.  And the idea of packing up and moving again wears me out!  Plus, why would I move to another apartment if it could happen again?  So far, we have gotten a scented filter to put on our air filter.  Big whoop!

So, we took it upon ourselves to find some sort of solution to get us through until at least tomorrow.  I did what anyone who wants suggestions does...I posted on Facebook.  I got advice immediately!  I'll try them one at a time.

The second suggestion was to set bowls of white vinegar around the home, especially where the smell is strongest.  I had already read this online, and it was something I already had in the pantry.  So, I began.

I poured white vinegar into bowls, and I began to set them around the apartment. 

The strongest smelling areas are the ones against the adjoining wall to our neighbor.  So, I placed one bowl in our kitchen, one in our laundry closet, and one bowl in our dining room.

I placed bowls in our bathrooms too.  These are the worst areas.  We think she may use her bathroom as her smoking quarters.

We also made a trip to Lowe's to try to find some sort of inexpensive air purifier.  We came across this plug in the wall air filter.  It is supposed to eliminate odors...not mask them.  We shall see.

I have lived in apartments for many of my young adult years...7 to be exact, and this is the first time I have encountered this problem.  If we had moved in after a smoker, I wouldn't be quite as overwhelmed because I would trust that the odor would eventually leave.  However, with a smoker next door...and the odor filtering through our vents...I'm not quite sure how to solve this!

We will try this for now.  I hope it works and that there is no "Part Two," but I'm not feeling too optimistic.  Our second option is to set charcoal around the apartment.  Wondering if we will smell like a barbeque pit....

Any suggestions?

Praying for More...

...in Haiti

Our hometown church just returned from a mission trip to Haiti.  Danielle tagged me in this precious picture yesterday, and I absolutely LOVE it!  Such a reminder of the MANY blessings we have in this country.  A reminder of just how much we have to be thankful for!  To read more about their trip, you can read Jennifer's blog here. 

Gettin' Real

Okay.

It's time to get real.

I've done my fair share of pep talking and sugar coating and positive thinking.  Now, I'm about to get real.  The funny thing is...I have no idea who reads this blog on a daily basis. I have no idea who I'm sharing all these thoughts and special events with. I only know who comments and who talks about the blog with me in person.  But, I'm gonna give you a taste of my reality.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...at some point during most days, I could go crazy with anticipation, excitement, and anxiety.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I feel like I'm dragging my feet through the day, sometimes, just waiting to get to the next day. You know...in case the next day is THE day.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I check the waiting families website multiple times a day looking for another placement.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I actually took Farley into Baby J's room and rocked him in the glider the other night. Just to try it out for size. And, it fits quite well. I'm just thinking it's time to stop pretending and rock someone for real.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I've been in a constant state of prayer.  Not for a baby...although that usually goes hand-in-hand...but for my heart. I'm in a constant state of prayer asking God to prepare my heart for His plan.  If His plan is for years of waiting....I need Him to prepare my heart so I won't go insane!

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I can leave the house in the morning in a constant state of thankfulness, smiling, and nearly giddy and teary eyed at all the blessings I have been given...and all the good things He has done for me and my loved ones.  Then, at some point during the day, my thoughts drive me crazy enough to think I need more.  Hmmm...writing it out like that makes me feel selfish and ungrateful.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I was beyond grateful that my family decided to make a last-minute trip to Memphis to eat supper. I SO needed a distraction after a very distracted day.  There was no baby talk, no adoption talk, no looking at baby things. Just a fun distraction. And that was nice.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...Every time I wish for babies to be placed, I'm hit with a feeling of guilt. Guilt because I know that every time a baby is placed with an adoptive family, there is a heartbroken birth family somewhere.  Then I'm filled with mixed emotions.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I'm convicted to be content where I am. That was my focus word for the new year, and BOY has it been tested!  I'm convicted to use my gifts now....to stop waiting for that "someday."  More on that later.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I know there are people all around me with REAL problems. I know that I don't have problems...I have more than I ever deserve.  I know this in my head.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I do trust Him with my plans. I trust Him with my future. I pray for His plan for our family. But, I also pray that He prepare my heart for His plan...help me to control my anxiety.  Maybe I should do that more. Obviously so.

If I'm gettin' real with you, I'd have to tell you that...I notice every time someone complains about piddly life issues. I notice. I think about all the blessings we all have...and how they outweigh our tiredness, our messy homes, our sleepless nights, our distractions, pains, and longings.  I think about all of that and try not to complain. At least to anyone other than my husband. Bless his heart!  And maybe my mom too.  Today, I'm not complaining.

I'm just gettin' real.

Lately I have found myself thanking God for things all throughout the day. Maybe it's my way of controlling my anxiety and giving myself a reality check.

Because if God was gettin' real with me...I'm pretty sure He would say..."Look around, child.  Don't you have more than enough? Have I not done enough for you?"  I'm pretty sure I would begin to sob as I think of not only the things, luxuries, opportunities, and relationships I have been blessed with...but of the ultimate sacrifice. God gave His ONLY Son for ME (and YOU). He gave ALL so that I could have the assurance of a home with Him in Heaven.  Jesus died on that cross so that I might live...forever.

How's that for gettin' real?

Fully Surrendered

I've been meeting with a group of women on Friday mornings for bible study...well, I've really missed as many meetings as I have been present for so far!  But our travels have slowed down...at least until the summer, so I'm hoping not to miss any more.  We are doing Priscilla Shirer's SEED bible study.  I absolutely love Priscilla's bible studies!  This one is a little different from the ones I've previously been a part of.  I actually like it.  Basically, we focus on one key word a week.  Then, we look at a verse(s) each day.  We are to pore over the verse, paraphrase it ourselves, pull from it, and pose questions for ourselves.  It's a great way to focus on and meditate on scripture.  Not using commentary from others, but seeing what we are able to pull from a verse alone.  I've enjoyed it.  Although, I must admit...after I pull my own things from a verse, I do end up looking to see what others have said.  I learn from them too and write down things I want to remember.  I guess you could call it a "collaboration!"  Ha!

One week, our focus word was "CONTROL."  How appropriate!  Control is always teaching me a lesson it seems!  I'm asking myself daily, "Am I fully surrendered?"

"Then He said to them, 'My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me.' And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, 'My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as you will.'"  Matthew 26:38-39

This, to me, is the ULTIMATE EXAMPLE of surrender.  Here Jesus is...waiting to be crucified.  He obviously is pleading with God to "let this cup pass from Me," yet He is willing to do God's will.  He didn't want to, though.  We don't have to "want" to do what God is calling us to do...but we do need to submit to His will willingly.  Compare ANYTHING we are asked to do to the ULTIMATE EXAMPLE - Jesus willingly endured the crucifixion, death, and God turning His back on Him.  He took the sins of the centuries, nations, and ME upon Himself!  I think that we can follow God's will for us - it's the very least we can offer! And it's always what is best for us.  Jesus had all the power within Him to change the outcome.  But he didn't.  He corralled His strength and yielded to authority - His Father.  Surrendering to God's will isn't stripping us of power.  It is teaching us to yield to authority...to keep us from hurting ourselves or being dangerous to others.  The One with all the power, wisdom, influence, majesty, honor, authority, and heavenly supremacy made a choice to submit to authority.  Yielding to His Father's will.

"[Jesus] did not consider equality with God something to be used for His own advantage." Philippians 2:6

The question always arises...How do I know what God's will is?  How do I follow His will?

"Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go.  This book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have success."  Joshua 1:7-8

God's promise to us in these verses: We will have success.  God's command: Meditate on His word and obey His will.  God has given us the tools we need for success.  We just need to quit trying to do it ourselves and allow His will - not turning to the right or to the left.  How do we know His will?  Get to know Him better by reading His word.  Get in the Word, memorize it, analyze it, and utilize it!  Only if we really know what God says, will we know how to obey.  We meditate on God's word to understand.

The questions I asked myself after reading this:

• Am I veering to the left or right at all?  Do I get sidetracked?
• Do I meditate on His Word day and night?
• Do I use God's word to make decisions?

So many times we use our logic...our own reasoning to make big decisions that make sense to us.  God's way doesn't always make sense.  We need to get in His Word to see what He has to say to us. Learn how God feels about things.  Get to know Him, so that we will know His will.

 I have hidden Your word in my heart that I may not sin against You.  Psalm 119:11

I'll be honest, it takes tests and trials for me to fully grasp this concept.  Throughout our infertility and our adoption journey, I realize more than ever how little control I have.  I have NO control!  God has complete control, and I need to trust Him.  Some days I want to try grasping at something...anything...to take control of the situation.  However, God knows the perfect time and the perfect way to answer our prayers.  My prayer still remains, "Lord, prepare my heart for whatever Your will is."  That doesn't mean that I want to wait on His timing.  It means that I need His strength to get me through the waiting.  I know that His way is best, and I am willingly yielding to His control.  I must.  Yielding to His control keeps me from being dangerous. 

Fully surrender to His will...and let go of control!

Adoption Perspective

I mentioned in my last "Weekend Update" that many have been asking about our adoption status and progress.  Like I said, we don't get much information unless we ask or we receive THE CALL.  However, at the end of each year, the agency does send statistics out to all the waiting families.  Although statistics don't necessarily mean anything because no one knows from one day to the next how many expectant mothers will approach Bethany for support.  And, not all expectant mothers who receive support from Bethany will choose adoption.  Bethany Christian Services is an adoption agency, but that doesn't mean that they only minister to and service adoptive families.  Bethany Christian Services also ministers to and services expectant mothers and their families...some will become birthmothers, and some will choose to parent.

Nonetheless, it is a good way to gauge what has been happening within our state's agency.  It's good to have this information, so I'm not wasting away wondering about these things.  What we do know is that Mississippi's office has had more placements in 2011 than they have in several years.  There is no way to know if this is a trend or not.  Our office placed 25 babies last year - including two sets of twins.  It is very unusual to place that many children in one year.  In 2010, there were only 11 babies placed.  I have been informed, as I already shared with you, that things have been very slow so far in 2012.  That doesn't mean that 10 babies won't be placed with a forever family this weekend.  It just means there hasn't been much activity yet.  Now, to give you a little perspective...there are currently 26 families approved and waiting to adopt.  There are 15 families in the home study process.  As you can see, there are MANY families waiting for God to place a precious little one into their arms.  There is no "waiting list" with numbers.  No one will say, "It's your turn.  You're next in line."  Everything depends on what the birth parent(s) are looking for combined with what adoptive families are looking for.  Some birth parents don't choose...they allow the agency to place their baby.  Two of the placements in 2011 were designated placements where the birth parents and the adoptive parents had already connected and asked Bethany to facilitate.  I'm not sure, but I don't think those statistics include any out of state adoptions.  It is possible that an expectant mother from another state would choose us.  There are MANY ways in which an adoption can occur.

For those of you who are interested in background information, I hope this was helpful.  If nothing else, it gives you a better understanding of why some families wait a long time and some don't.  It should also give you a better perspective on our waiting experience.  I've also had people ask if we had our name out anywhere else...just in case there was a family looking to make an adoption plan for their child outside of our agency.  The answer is yes.  Obviously my blog is open for anyone to see, and there is a link to our adoption profile on the right sidebar.  There is a local OBGYN who has asked for our information.  We have some nurses who have our information in different places...labor and delivery and a walk-in clinic.  It is possible for birth parents to see our information online or otherwise, and contact our agency specifically for us.

We have NO idea how or when God has chosen to grow our family, but we do know that He has it planned.  We can't wait to find out, of course!

**In other news....My sister-in-law, Roan, is home from the hospital following her bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction.  She still has quite a road ahead of her, as the reconstruction process will take several months and the pathology reports will come back in the coming days, but she has certainly jumped a big hurdle!  She is resting well and being nursed back to health by Jimmy and several close friends.  You can keep up with her progress and/or look back at her journey so far on her blog.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for all your prayers this past week!  We have certainly felt them!  I know Roan's peaceful feeling leading up to surgery was due, in large part, to your many prayers lifted on her behalf.  Please know that we cherish them!