Yesterday Was Plain Awful...

...You can say that again!

Yesterday was plain awful!
But that's
not now!
That's then!

I must say that yesterday, I felt a bit like my friend Annie when she was chased up that water tower thing by Rooster and his little wife! You know the part. When they pretended to be Annie's parents and took Annie from Mr. Warbucks. Ahhh...I love that move! But, I detest that part! Well, that very part...that was my yesterday! Plain awful!

By now, you know that I rarely complain publicly...on the blog at least! That's not to say that I never complain...although I'm trying very hard to do better. And if you knew me in my most private moments, you would know that I do my fair share. Sometimes more than others! But, yesterday was just plain awful!

I won't go into all the details. But, I will say that most of it started at school with one child. How is it that one child can make or break your day...your week even!? I know all you moms are saying, "Just wait!" Well, I am waiting. But while I wait, I am having my own issues with my own self-proclaimed children. And, why is it that I always fall whole heartedly into the most difficult cases!? I mean really! Must I always try to change the world? Must I always stress myself out over one student when I have 22 more that have their own part of my heart? The answer is - yes! My most rewarding "achievements" as a teacher are from those very students - the most difficult ones. The ones I just love! I know we shouldn't have "teacher's pets"...and I'm quite sure that many teachers choose the honor roll, always do their homework, bring treats to class kind of student as their "pet." Not me. Somehow, I always choose the barely passing, attitude, "grown acting", difficult ones. Why? Who knows why! Maybe it's the challenge. Maybe it's the change I can see as their eyes finally open to the new concepts that they have never truly understood. Maybe it's the lack of the "ideal homelife" that we are so accustomed to. But, for whatever reason...those are my "pets." Those are the ones I come home trying to figure out a new tactic to grasp their attention or turn their 'tude around. Well, as the week went on, this particular child (let's just call him Kenyada) has given me fits this week. I took over his one hour tutoring time so he could get more out of it from me, I make concessions for him (some would call this "choosing my battles"), and I bust my booty trying to get him to learn and ENJOY learning. Most of this has been successful. But, yesterday! Oh my! It was just plain awful! By the end of the day, he had refused to complete his work, thrown paper everywhere (which, by the way, he immediately picked up before catching his bus), not completed his homework, yelled at me (which he had never done), and basically just straight up hurt my feelings! Because, you see, I had chosen HIM! He was my "pet" that I wholeheartedly want to get through to! Why didn't he get that! Of course, I know...he's a boy who is frustrated with very little academic support at home. This is the same boy who (for those of you who read my tweets) got into the huge fight on the bus that caused the bus driver to run to break it up while forgetting to put the bus in park. Don't worry! The assistant principal ran and jumped in just in time to hit the break as a passing bus came from behind. Quite the story!

So, yesterday, he hurt my feelings and, quite frankly, made me mad! I was crying on and off from the time the bell rang until 3:30 when I could leave. Then, I cried again on the way home! And again on my way to school this morning!

Now that I think about it, isn't that how it is so often with God and US? He chose US! And, trust me, I am no honor roll, always do my homework, bring treats to God kind of Christian! I am the bad attitude, barely passing, difficult Christian at times. Why don't we get that? Why can't we see that He chose us and not only busted his booty, but gave his only Son for US! Man, I suppose I only got a small taste of what it's like.

My pity party only continued that night as I came home with a splitting headache that made me nauseous and other news (times four!) that just got me "down." I'm thinking...."if I wasn't so upset, this day would just be very funny." But it wasn't! It was plain awful!

I came in, did not cook supper, laid on the couch without lights or television, and got in bed shortly after. I did, after some good advice from a friend, pick up the Bible and just start reading Psalms. So, I found Psalm 31. This was my prayer:

¹ In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;

let me never be put to shame;

deliver me in your righteousness.

² Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

⁴ Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.

⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

And I am reminded later in the Psalm that my hope is in the Lord. He is all I need.

²⁴ Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the LORD.

My hope is not in worldly things, not in acceptance, not in being able to have children (now that's a hard one!). My hope is in the Lord. He is enough. He has done enough. More than that - He took all my sins (and yours) upon Himself so that we may have eternal life with Him. A life with no tears and no pain!

So, yes, yesterday was plain awful! But, in the words of Annie and Mr. Warbucks...

I don't need anything but You, Lord!