Dear Birthmother

Look at that happy face!  Such a JOY!  Each moment of every day I thank God for this precious gift.  People tell us all the time how beautiful Millie Janalee is, and I have to keep myself from saying, "I know.  She is, isn't she?"  It doesn't feel like bragging to me, because I didn't birth her.  However, most of the time, I forget that I wasn't pregnant with her for 9 months and in labor with her for hours.  I forget that I wasn't there when the ultrasound tech announced it was a girl.  I forget that I didn't see her eyes open for the first time or hear her first cry.  I forget that I wasn't the one who wrapped her tiny 6 pound 13 ounce body in my arms and cradle her close to my chest to calm the shock of this big, cold, bright world right after she was born.  I forget all these things, sometimes, because she is my daughter.  God had a plan for her little life, and I am so grateful that we are part of that plan.  I am so glad God planned our Party of Three!  So, I do forget at times.  But I will never really forget.

I could never forget that there was one who was present for all those things.  Who heard the words, "It's a girl."  Who was pregnant for 9 months and in labor for hours.  Who saw her eyes open and heard her first cry.  Who cradled her tiny body next to her chest to calm her from the shock of this world.  There was one who loved our sweet girl so much, that she made a plan for her.  A plan better than they were able to provide.  A plan to let go of this beautiful face...because of a love for her.  I am grateful for this one.  I am beyond grateful for this ultimate act of love.  I am thankful for the one who cared for our daughter before we could.  What strength!  What love!

You see, God orchestrated this plan I know.  But, what I saw with my earthly eyes were two arms holding this sweet, tiny bundle...holding Millie Janalee out for me.  I saw the smile on her face knowing it was right.  What I'll never truly know is the many days and nights those arms ached for this baby to hold.  I'll never know the heartbreak of willingly saying goodbye to this precious newborn girl.  I'll never know her sleepless nights of trying to make this plan or the tears shed in preparation for the bittersweet day she is born...the joy of seeing her eyes open and hearing her first cry mixed with the sorrow of knowing she belongs to someone else.  I'll never know those feelings.

One thing I have learned through our adoption process is there are so many misconceptions about birthparents.  So many judgments and wrong thinking.  We know these people.  We met them.  We talked and laughed with them for hours.  We've hugged them and told them we loved them.  We grieved with them in the midst of our incredible joy.  We may not know their deepest feelings, but we know them.  And they are special to us.  They are a big part of Millie Janalee's story...the first part, actually.  And we are thankful for them and their decision made out of love.

A couple of weeks ago, we had the opportunity to visit Millie Janalee's birthmother.  We are so thankful for Bethany's continued love and service for the families they have ministered to...including ours.  We met at their office with Nancy present.  Nancy, if you remember, was with us when we took Millie Janalee home from the hospital.  It was such a precious time as we saw those arms - the ones who cradled her first - hold Millie Janalee again.  Of course, I cried.  This beautiful story is overwhelming at times...often times.  And I am so thankful for this journey.

Her birthmother brought Millie Janalee a Hello Kitty, and Millie Janalee LOVED it!  She grabbed and squealed and giggled as they played together.  We talked about Millie Janalee's life and the love that fills it.  We talked about how her birthmother has been since July.  Everyone looks great.  Everyone is thriving it seems.  This is part of the healing process.  For her to see that she did a great thing.  I am glad to be a part of that.  I am also glad Millie Janalee will have these pictures to see how much love she has in her life.  She has the love of her family...more than she can imagine!  She has the love of friends and so many she still hasn't met.  But, she also has the love of the woman who carried her for those months.  She was not "given up."  No...her birthparents made a loving plan for her life.  They made a plan through tears, anxiety, and sorrow...because they love her.  And we love them for it.  I pray Millie Janalee always feels this love overflowing.

Each night, when I pray over her, I pray for her to feel loved, secure, confident, and humble.  I pray that she grow into a deep understanding of her amazing story and how it touched so many.  This journey is not over.  It is just beginning.

Dear Birthmother,
Thank you.