From the Heart of a Mama...

In honor of this week full of first days back to school, I decided to share what's on my heart this year.  When school was starting last August, I was still rocking a 3 week old lost in the bliss of snuggles and dreams.  This year?

It all changed.

You see, this year I have a very active one year old, who already causes tears and heartaches when I think about her first days of school.  I see pictures of kids that I babysat or remembered the day they were born all starting school...kindergarten, seventh grade, wearing backpacks and new clothes.

And I know.

I know that much too soon, I will be sharing the same photos.  Photos of a little blue-eyed girl ready for her first day of school.  Probably with a monogrammed backpack (because let's be honest...I love a monogram!) bigger than she and a huge colorful hair bow (assuming she will no longer have the urge to take it out and chew on it by this point).

And, OH how I will ache.  I'm sure I'll cry.  I mean, goodness.  I already sit and cry about it now.  Lord help me in five years!

This year, I have an additional perspective.  One that will grow stronger as the years pass.  This year, I can view back to school through the eyes of a mama.  It changes things.

For a few hours every weekday, I will let go of my bundle of giggles and hand her well-being over to a teacher.  A teacher I may or may not know.

And I will struggle.  I will struggle to hold back tears.  I probably won't hold them back.  I'm not good at goodbyes, and well, I can't leave Millie Janalee at school without a hug goodbye.  So I'll bawl.  Maybe she will too.  Maybe she won't.  Either way, I'll be the silly looking one.  I will also struggle to practice a lot of the things I talked about yesterday.  I will struggle because it'll be MY daughter this time.

I will want to hold my own private orientation for the teacher to let her know a few things...

• Millie Janalee loves to be praised.  Her eyes light up when you clap for her or say "Yay!'  So make sure you praise her for jobs well done.
• When her lips turn into a complete upside down smile (also known as a frown), she is about to cry.  Please give her a hug and ask her what's wrong.
• If she looks down and holds one hand on her head, she's sad about something.  Please make sure no one hurt her feelings.
• You'll love to hear that Millie Janalee loves to read!  She may cry when you finish a book.  If you let her hold the book afterward and play with it, she may be okay.
• Please try to make sure she feels secure and loved.  That's what I've prayed over her little life from day one.  So, if you don't mind, check in on her from time to time.  See that she's feeling loved.

I joke.  Kinda.

I will want to tell her all these things complete with a printed out booklet of her schedule and her likes and dislikes.  But, I won't.  Or at least I'm counting on you all to tackle me to the ground if I try!  Instead I will drive home (or hang out in the classroom window like a creeper) with tears rolling down my face...and counting down the minutes until she comes home.  

I'll have lots of questions...

• Did you have a good day?
• Did you make new friends?
• What did you like about your teacher?
• Who did you sit by at lunch?
• Did you have friends to play with at recess?
• What was your favorite thing about today?
• Was there anything you didn't like?
• Who is your favorite new friend?  Why?
• Was anyone mean to you?  I'll be happy to beat them up. (Again, I joke.  Kinda.)
• Did you tell Mrs. SoandSo when you needed to potty?

I know there will be more.  Because, this will be the first time I have handed every weekday completely over to someone else.  It will be the first time I realize that I no longer have the monopoly over Millie Janalee's weekdays.  I will only see her a few hours in the afternoon before it's time for bed.

And I pray her teachers are kind.  And don't let her run wild.  And caring.  And push and challenge her to do great things.  And I pray they smile.  And enjoy the joy that Millie Janalee brings.

Yes, it's different on this side.