Thankful for Motherhood

 Becoming a mother is by far one of the greatest joys of my life!  All little girls dream of this day from the time they pick up their first baby doll and cradle it.  In school, I doodled the names of my future children...along with my name combined with the last name of whoever was my boyfriend at the time.  Don't laugh.  You know you did it too!  So when my dream of becoming a mother was unknown, I was crushed.  Little did I know that God was teaching me and showing me the joys of trusting Him with my family.  I'm so thankful He didn't give up on me.  I'm so thankful for motherhood!

There are a few things I've learned since becoming a mother in July.  There is so much left to learn, and I"m pretty sure I will never get it all right, but I'm sure loving learning along the way!  I've learned about myself.  I've learned about this little being who depends on me for every need.  And I've learned about others too.

One thing I've learned about others is that people are not shy about giving their opinions when they learn Millie Janalee's name.  I was prepared for people mistakenly calling her Millie.  I just knew I would have to stand my ground when she started school and remind her teachers that her name is Millie Janalee.  Just like Sarah Elizabeth or Mary Elizabeth may be the girl's name sitting right beside Millie Janalee.  I was not prepared for perfect strangers or acquaintances saying, "That's a mouthful isn't it?" or "That's long."  But, people do.  Instead of saying, "Oh, I love that name.  Where did it come from?" they begin letting us know how they feel.  I also was not prepared for people to say, "Well, I'm gonna call her..."  Hmmmm.  Really?  Well, I suppose you can call her that...but that's not her name.  Her name is Millie Janalee.  Not MJ.  Not Millie (although I can tolerate that much better than MJ).  Not Janalee.  Sometimes I'm tempted to say, "Ok.  Well I'm gonna call you [insert random name]" just to see their reaction.  Ha!  But we LOVE Millie Janalee's name!  Not just because it is beautiful, but because it is special.  Both parts are special.  And we have no plans to take either name away.  

Another thing I've learned about others is how deeply they can love.  Russ and I are constantly overwhelmed with the love shown to us and our sweet girl.  Everyone wants to know her.  Everyone wants to see her.  Everyone wants to pray for her.  It has been such an amazing experience to share this miracle baby with our friends, family, and so many we have never met.  We are so thankful for each person who lifted Millie Janalee's sweet name to our Father or wears a "Praying for More" t-shirt around town sharing her story or sent a precious card or gave Millie Janalee a special gift.  We are so thankful that everyone has shown us how to love better and been such an example of God's love to our little family.  I have learned from others, and I know I will continue to learn throughout this journey of motherhood.

I've learned about Millie Janalee.  I've learned what she enjoys, what makes her sad, what makes her mad, what rocks her schedule.  I've learned how she likes to burp.  I've learned how to apply lotion without tears.  I've learned when she likes to eat and sleep.  I've learned that my baby girl loves bath time and bright colors on the television.  I've learned that she's a wonderful Bully Baby.  I've learned that when she's hot, she doesn't want to be held.  I've learned that when she's crying, she likes to sit on my arm facing outward and bounce.  I've learned a fussy cry vs. a hungry cry.  I've also learned that just about the time I learn something new, it changes.  Ha!  I've also learned that Millie Janalee is growing way to fast for my comfort!  I put her in her car seat last night, and I was slapped in the face by the fact that she looked more like a little girl than a baby.  I have learned from Millie Janalee the importance of EVERY SECOND.  I don't want to miss one.  I don't want to waste one.  Chances pass too quickly, and we need to soak in every moment in life and find JOY in that moment.  JOY in the tears.  JOY in the anger.  JOY in the laughter.  Find JOY in it all, because it won't last forever.

Motherhood has been known to teach mothers a lot about themselves too.  Yep.  I've learned things about myself that only motherhood can teach me.  I've learned that no matter how long you wait, it seems insignificant now.  I may have used the wrong word, but it's true.  When I was waiting, I couldn't imagine anything making that pain, sorrow, longing, and frustration disappear.  I would roll my eyes on the inside when people said, "It will be worth the wait."  I even said it.  I thought if I said it enough, I'd start to believe it.  God worked on my heart through the six years of waiting to become a mother.  Now I know.  I know that it was SO worth the wait.  If I had to wait another year for Millie Janalee, I would have gladly.  It certainly wouldn't be my first choice, but I'd do it.  Ha! 

I've learned that I am stronger than I realize.  My heart has been through so much.  Obviously God knew we could handle it, so he allowed His story to be told through our family.  I'm humbled. 

I've learned that there is no right way to parent.  Babywise, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, mother's intuition, etc.  Every child is different.  Every mother is different.  I've learned that I'm okay with parenting the way I want to and the way Millie Janalee responds best.  I've learned that I'm okay with not having a strict nap schedule.  I'm okay with feeding her early if she's hungry.  I've learned that I'm okay with a three month old still sleeping next to me in her bassinet.  In fact, I'm okay with never moving her.  Ha! Unfortunately, one day she will outgrow the bassinet.  I've learned that I can smile when mothers give their advice...knowing that every other mother has told me something completely different.  I can smile because I learned that every mother is different and every child is different.  I can smile because I know that if I do it differently...it's not wrong.  It's okay.  Because I am me.  And Millie Janalee is Millie Janalee.  And it's okay.

I've learned that I can be a morning person.  Especially when those big blue eyes are looking up at me with a big gummy grin.  I can be a middle of the night person too if need be.  Granted I'd much rather be the morning person than the middle of the night person.  Thankfully, I don't have to worry about that very often right now. 

I've learned that I can love a stranger deeper than I ever knew I could.  I have a love for my daughter that I never knew existed.  No, she didn't grow in my belly.  But she grew in my heart.  We longed for her, prayed for her, dreamed about her, and trusted our Father with her.  There are days I forget I didn't birth her.  In fact, most days.  Ha!  She's every bit OUR DAUGHTER as your child is yours.  I'm so incredibly thankful for the blessing of adoption and all the joy it brings.  I have a love for her birthparents that I definitely didn't expect.  We may have only met them twice.  We may only get occasional updates.  But we have a bond with them that goes beyond anything you could imagine.  I truly hate that everyone can't experience everything we have gone through.  It is beyond amazing!  I never knew I could love like this through this experience.  I've learned I can.  Wow!

As I type this and look over to Millie Janalee taking her morning nap completely sprawled out at my feet, I am overjoyed with thanksgiving.  The Lord has done great things for me, and I am filled with JOY!  I am so thankful for motherhood...and the lessons it has taught me and continues to teach me.